Happy Holidays!

Well Merry Chrismahanukwanzaka everyone!

I'll be back with more or possibly less in the new year, I haven't decided quite yet.

For now I'm off to spend some time with my family (and my new iPod), you should do the same!

World Diabetes Day.

Today is World Diabetes Day, but unfortunately for those of us living with this disease every day is WDD. Each day we test our blood sugar multiple times, dose insulin, take pills, try to maintain a healthy diet, exercise, and worry about complications, all while attempting to a live a normal life. We can’t just pick a day out of the year to be aware of our Diabetes because it’s always there. I’m glad that the disease is getting world wide recognition, but I wish it didn’t even exist in the first place. I just can’t be the picture of positivity when there are millions of children and adults living with this disease, many of whom do not have access to quality medical treatment. It just doesn't feel right to wish you a Happy World Diabetes Day, because why should we be happy that there is no cure, that each day more children and adults are being diagnosed, that some will die before they even get treatment? We shouldn't. We should let today serve as a reminder to continue working towards better treatment and ultimately a cure. 

D-Blog Day!

So it's been a year since I wrote my first D-Blog Day post. Some things have changed, but my gratitude has not and once again I feel that thank you is appropriate. So thank you for the inspiring posts, uplifting comments, funny vlogs, and most of all the sense of not being alone with this disease. It's hard to express how much this community has impacted my life, but I'm incredibly proud to be a part of such a wonderful group of people. Here's to you D-Bloggers!

One Man. One Nation.

President Elect Barack Obama is just one man. Together, no matter our political beliefs, we need to be one nation. Even though we may disagree about his views, policies, and message as a country we have to come together as a country. I believe that there is always common ground, no matter how small it is. It is not our responsibility to change each other's opinions, but it is our right to express ours in a respectful way. I have seen so many things today that have (in my opinion) crossed that fine line. If anything comes from this election it is the fact that there are people who are passionate about their politics. I just hope that this commitment to involvement continues so that our government properly represents ALL of it's people. I hope that we can all put away the ugly and bring out the unity that this country was founded on.




And now back to your regularly scheduled Diabetic Programing.

Yes, we did.

VOTE...because I can't.

Unfortunately I'm too young to vote, but that doesn't mean that this election doesn't mean something to me. I've gotten into far too many debates with friends and family not to be aware that is BIG! As Americans I don't think that we always appreciate our right to vote, so go out and make sure your opinion counts. If this election has done anything it has brought more voters out than ever before and that's a great thing no matter the outcome. I'll leave you with this:

It's been too long.

Just checking in. 

I celebrated my pump-aversary a bit early by sending my pump in for a replacement. In just under a year I managed to bump, bang, and scratch the poor thing more times than I can count. I was also dealing with my second cracked cartridge cap, so a call to Smiths Medical was already on the to-do list. When we explained that there were also a multitude of cracks on the pump they told us they would ship out an extra cartridge cap, a new (refurbished) pump, and a prepaid shipper for my existing pump within 24 hours. It would be an understatement to say that my mom and I were completely impressed with the quick and painless customer service. So now I've got a new pump. Name suggestions are welcome or maybe I'll just go with Orin II.

I'm still dealing with this. So far I've been re-diagnosed and started a new medication. I'm still coming to terms with it all and I can't quite put it into words yet, but I do think things are headed in a positive direction. Thank you so much for the kind words from my last post, as always they meant a lot to me. 

 

Just so you know.

I turned down the writing job. I was ready to take it, but then I let the idea marinate a little more and it just wasn't the right fit. Getting paid to write something that I would probably write here for free would have been awesome, but I just could not commit to everything they were asking for.

You've probably noticed my lack of posting and commenting recently. I want you to know that I am still reading anything that comes through Diabetes Daily and even a few that don't. I also think about writing here often, but I haven't had the energy to do so. I'm currently dealing with some mental health issues (I'll fill you in when I feel a little more comfortable) that have been consuming every facet of my life. Until things get back into a more normal pattern I probably won't be posting much, but I am here and available via email if you need me. I just thought I should let you know what was going on because you have been supportive in the past and I don't want to leave you all in the dark. So that's that. 

I need your input.

I have been contacted by Health Central's Diabeteens to write a blog for their site. I responded to the email asking for more details, and I am seriously considering accepting the opportunity. The biggest problem is I don't know what I would do with this blog. I would probably maintain this site with more personal diabetes and general life related things. Which would allow the Diabeteens blog to be more about general issues that arise as a teen with Type 1 Diabetes kind of thing. Really I'm concerned that I won't be able to provide enough content for both. I love this blog and the community support that I have here, but this website is a wonderful opportunity. Also I'm not really sure if I'm cut out for the whole writing on a real live people actually see this kind of website. I don't know! So D-OCers, I trust that you will provide some sort of incredible wisdom on this topic.


For more about Health Central check out this article.

Weekend Recap.

First, thank you for all the happy birthday wishes!

I had a wonderful time celebrating with my friends Friday evening. When my friend, Kelly, suggested celebrating a few weeks ago, I wasn't really up for it. But somewhere between the waitress who told me that seventeen is a great year and passing my birthday ice cream around the table, my mindset changed. It's no longer the fact that these things might be occurring for the last time. It's enjoying the moments and hoping that the memories will last forever. For once I feel as though things are just getting started instead of coming to a close. I can see my options now and I'm ready to start working towards a more positive future. I can only hope that the waitress was right and that seventeen will be a very good year.

(From my birthday dinner, I'm second from the right.)


Saturday, I celebrated with my best friend (again) for her big birthday dinner. I was able to see a lot of old friends, an added bonus to an already great evening.

Sunday came and passed with no mention of my anniversary. I thought about the fact that twelve years had passed for about three seconds then went on with my day. I just really prefer to silently acknowledge it and move on.

Today is my mom's birthday. Happy birthday, Mom! I know you're reading this, don't worry I won't share your age with the entire internet. I love you!

Double Dose

Growing up seems to be this weeks theme...


Today is my seventeenth birthday.

Sunday is my twelfth D-anniversary.

I was five years old when I was diagnosed with Diabetes. At that age words like forever don’t exactly factor into the equation. It was more about that day or that week, and the future was a cloudy picture that didn’t mean much. When I was younger I never thought about the fact that I would get to my seventeenth birthday with Diabetes in tow. It’s not as though I thought I wouldn’t have Diabetes by seventeen, it’s just that the idea never really crossed my mind. But in the past few years as that cloudy future seemed to be inching closer, Diabetes became a part of that bigger picture too. I started to ponder what Diabetes would mean in my relationships, a career, and just everyday life. All of this is a part of growing up. My future isn’t set in stone, but now I can clearly see that Diabetes will play a role. Birthdays and anniversaries are life’s mile markers, and it’s bittersweet that two of mine fall so close to each other. With each birthday I am a step further into my future and whatever that may bring, but a part of me also pauses to remember that each birthday in the future will involve this disease. Tonight I will celebrate with friends laughing, smiling, enjoying. Sunday will come as a reminder of my trying years with diabetes and as a little spark of hope that maybe, just maybe one day my birthday won’t be a reminder of my Diabetes.

P.S. As I finished writing this, the Jonas Brothers', "A Little Bit Longer" started playing on my iTunes...

P.P.S. For the record that is the only Jonas Brothers song I have on iTunes.

I just don't know, yet.

My best friend turned seventeen today. I made her seventeen cupcakes and gave her a ticket to a concert we will both attend next weekend. I drove her to school with Stevie Wonder's "Happy Birthday" blaring from the speakers. We even took silly pictures at stop lights. Before she got out of the car she thanked me and said, "I thought today would be like any other day, but thanks to you I know it won't." Moments like this have been stirring a lot of emotion lately. If it were possible to have a teenage midlife crisis, that's what I'd call this. I feel trapped. Everything seems final and scary. This might be the last birthday I celebrate with her for sometime. By this time next year she'll be off to college and who knows what I'll be doing. Thinking about plans for the future leaves me overwhelmed and anxious. I don't know that I'm ready for any of this. I know I need to stop watching the days drift by and take charge, that my future is only as bright as I make it. I'm turning seventeen on Friday. I'll celebrate, but I fear that it will be tainted by what I'm feeling. The future should not seem like a burden. I need to flip my thinking, make the most of what I have. I just wish it didn't seem as though any choice I make today or in the near future will shape my entire life. I just want to feel that not knowing right now is an okay thing.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I just needed to put it out there.

I sincerely apologize for the melodramatic teenage me, me, me-ness of this post.

Some people wait a lifetime...

Tell the world what you believe are the 10 Defining Moments of your Generation - and then tell the world what you believe are YOUR personal 10 Defining Moments. Then tell the world why you chose the moments you did. (I bent the single moment rule a bit...)

I may be young, but I've lived long enough to experience some defining moments and things that have changed the world we live in. So here goes.


10 Defining Moments of your Generation

Boy Bands If you were a girl between the ages of 7 and 18 during the late 90's boy bands were probably a part of life. Friendships were made or broken over your love for a Backstreet Boy (Brian) or your favorite *Nsync member (Justin). My first concert was *Nsync! Some may argue that it's not good music, but it provided the feel good sing-a-long soundtrack for so many lives.

Columbine I was only 7, but I remember watching news and talk shows for days soaking in the information, fear, and sadness. For weeks it was all the neighborhood mom's could talk about. Everyone began assessing their peers in a different way. It instilled a sense of fear in school aged people across our country that still remains today.

2000 Election Al Gore "lost"...and the rest is terrible history.

September 11, 2001 Everyone can tell you where they were the day the world stopped.
I was in 5th grade. I saw some of it happen live. My teacher turned on the class room television to watch a school wide fund raising video and before she found the right channel we watched a plane fly into the second tower. 15 minutes later my neighbor was at my school picking up 7 kids from the neighborhood to bring us home to be "safe". I spent the afternoon watching the news and drawing in my friend's basement.
Our country will never be the same.

Cell Phones From huge car phone carrying cases to the sleek and slim versions of today, cell phones have changed the way people communicate. Blackberries and iPhones, oh my! Some people don’t even have land lines anymore, we are a wireless generation.

iPod Steve Jobs is a genius. Everyone needs one, everyone has one. As soon as you get one, there's a new generation or an update. Only 99 cents for a song! Sign me up! Music became portable and hip.

Google Book reports would never be the same. Every question had an answer. Arguments between friends would be proven with the simple phase, 'Google it.'

Texting Because calling someone is just too much work. You have to stay connected! A distraction in class or a meeting. You can do it in the car, on a train, on a bus, in a coffee shop. I hate texting it drives me crazy, but apparently my generation finds it as beneficial as breathing.

Facebook Once only for college students the expanded version connects friends, family, coworkers, and classmates. Whether it's the privacy worries or high school students making hate groups, Facebook is always in the news. It's changed the way people connect. I don't know what I would do without mine it's one of the only ways I can keep in touch with my friends from public school.

2008 (Democratic) Election Process Watching as two faces that looked like mine, one biracial and one a woman, make strides in a way that no others could do before has been amazing. You can't help but feel how monumental this is. 18 million votes towards ending discrimination against women. A grass roots effort provides a Democratic nominee for President. Young people getting involved in politics. You don't have to be an Obama supporter or even a Democrat to feel it, we are truly living history.

My 10 Defining Moments

Birthday September 19, 1991 at 8:05 PM without this moment none of it would be possible.

Diagnosis September 21, 1996. Five short years without Type 1 Diabetes came to an end, and so began the struggle that life with this disease is.

My Sister's Lupus Diagnosis I was in 3rd grade. My sister was in an out of doctor's offices with mysterious symptoms, and then finally we had an answer. The same disease that my father's sister died from when I was only a few years old.

The DC Sniper Shootings At 11 years old I'd witnessed a few national tragedies, but this one hit closer to home than even 9/11. Going to school seemed unsafe. Recess and PE were held indoors. Afternoons were spent playing with friends in the backyard or basement, but never in the street. Fear became a way of life until the suspects were arrested.

Anxiety & Depression My freshman year of high school brought a lot of changes. A new school, a bigger student body, harder work, and distance from my friends. Things started going down hill quickly. I would get up every morning and force myself to school. I had never been so unwilling to go to school in my entire life. School was my thing. Some days were easier than others. Some days I couldn’t get out of bed or past the bathroom. At the time I wasn’t exactly sure why school just didn’t fit.
Coincidentally at the same time my father started to spiral out of control (later we would find out it was a symptom of Bipolar disorder). He lost his job and did things he can never take back, causing major turmoil in our family.
I struggled. With school not feeling like a comfortable place and home in shambles, my anxiety manifested as a stomach issue. So my mom, tired and weery, took me from doctor to doctor trying to figure it all out. It wasn’t physical it was mental/emotional. By January it had gotten so bad that I couldn’t/wouldn’t go to school. I spent a week in an adolescent psych ward after a suicide attempt. I was only 14. I eventually returned to school and finished the year, but everything wasn’t perfect.
Looking back I wonder if things could have been different. Could I have dealt with my school issues if home had been stable? I’ll never know. The sky was falling and the ground beneath me was crumbling, all I could do was try to hold on. I’m here now and that’s all that matters.

Leaving Public School After the trials of my freshman year returning to school was a daunting task. Would it happen again? Could I survive it? Did I have the coping skills to get through the year? At the same time things at home were still difficult. It’s safe to say the cycle repeated itself. The school tried to help, but nothing really worked for my situation. By the end of sophomore year it became obvious that I could not keep up with the day to day of intense school work and the problems at home. Putting on your happy face at school, trying to get good grades, and dealing with family issues became too much work. I basically lost a year of school work because of my inability to attend school regularly and the school’s inability to find solutions that worked for me. By June I had already chosen the home schooling program I wanted to use, and I had been taken out of the public school system.
I don’t know if things could have improved if I had stayed. The other option would have been to be transferred to a different school for kids with behavioral problems (not really the issue I was dealing with, but the only option the county could offer). I know that would not have worked for me. I can’t say that I regret the decision to leave because I was so unhappy at the time, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t wonder. I don’t look back and think I could have changed anything. I was in a terrible place mentally. I was so shut down that nothing but time and hard work could change the circumstances. The hardest part has been being away from my friends. I still struggle with the fact that each day they evolve together, and I’m here alone. Thankfully they try to keep me included by sneaking me into school events, sharing gossip, and calling frequently, but it’s just not the same.

Starting on my pump I don’t share much about my beginnings with diabetes because it was a difficult time. My family has gone through a lot over the years, and I don’t think I could tell the story of my life with Diabetes without placing blame on someone. I just don’t want to do that. I had a terrible time with doctors when I was younger. The office was always booked for months, sometimes going 5-7 months without an appointment. I hated getting blood drawn so the doctors would compromise with me. I had one doctor who would push the pump at every appointment, yet never explain a single thing about how it worked. I was on Humulin L and R for longer than most patients, mostly because I refused to take shots at school. So my decision to start on a pump was many rough years in the making, to those close to me it’s almost a miracle. It had to be on my terms. Now instead of hating life with diabetes, I’m content and proud of all that I can do to manage this disease.

First A1c Under 7 It was along time coming. I worked hard for it, and I'm still just as happy about it as I was that day.

Learning to drive So I failed the test the first time, but I was driving a Town and Country. Can you parallel park a Town and Country under pressure? No! I can however do it in real life.
Driving has been a way for me to exert my independence. I love picking up my friends and going somewhere just because we can. No parents listening in on our conversations. Rescuing a friend in need. Now that I know how to drive I feel so in control, and you know how I love control! It's wonderful. Now I just have to start saving money for my dream car.

This Blog I love the Diabetes OC! This blog and those of you who read it have helped me so much in the past year. I don't think I would have felt so confident starting my pump without you guys. I don't really talk about Diabetes in real life and this outlet has allowed me to express what almost 12 years with this disease is like. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

(In case you didn't know...The post title is from the Kelly Clarkson song, "A Moment Like This" because what is my generation without American Idol?)

Set your DVR's

This past weekend I caught a wonderful special on the Discovery Health channel called Diabetes: Demystifying the Myths. It was perhaps the most comprehensive and well explained presentation on Diabetes in general, but it really defined so many of the differences between Type 1 and Type 2. Topics like, "Diabetes is caused by eating to much sugar" and "Because you have Diabetes you can't have any sugar," were demystified in detail including how these things applied to Type 1 or Type 2. They talked pumps, exercise, eating habits, diagnosis stories, and emotions. From Gary Hall Jr. to a Pre-Diabetic to a Type 1 man and his Type 1 father, the most impressive thing had to be the varying faces of Diabetes the program showed. If you have ever thought, "if only I could summarize life with Diabetes in the perfect way" this is the program for you. If you have the chance it's definitely worth the hour out of your day, and I would encourage you to share it with others to spread education. You can click the link above for the scheduled airing times.

The numbers look excellent.

Or at least that's what my doctor thinks.

I had an endo appointment this morning, and everything seems to be looking good. A1c is holding steady at 6.9%. My meter averages look okay, although they could be a bit better. I've lost 3 pounds. I'm cutting back late night/early morning basal rates to avoid overnight lows and borderline wake up numbers like the pesky 78mg/dL that has greeted me almost every morning this week. I'm going to start using Symlin again at a lower dosage, but if it causes the same problems I'll stop. As we walked out of the office I thought to myself, "I'm pretty good at this whole diabetes thing." After the years of terrible doctors in the beginning of my life with Diabetes, I never thought that I would be able to achieve what I have. I have had 3 consecutive A1c's under 7%, and I usually walk out of my appointments with a smile. Although my management is solely my responsibility, I did not do this all on my own. The DOC has played a huge role in my ability to achieve what I have in the past year. Thank you so much!

My next appointment is in November, and I hope by then I'll be able to share an even better A1c report. I'm aiming to get closer to 6.5%, and with your help I know anything is possible.

PS.
I apologize for such scattered posting these past few months, I haven't had much to say. Although I have not been commenting, I have been reading a lot of DOC blogs. I hope everyone is well! I'll be back soon. Who knows, I might even jump on the vlog bandwagon just to switch things up...

Quilt For Life

Yesterday, I took my first solo trip into DC to view Quilt for Life and meet a few OC bloggers.
The quilts were beautiful. As I wandered through the display a few of the quilts even made me a little emotional. Seeing diagnosis dates and birthdays only a few years apart was difficult. Looking at the faces who had known this disease longer than I have wasn't easier either. We need a cure, pure and simple.
Towards the end of the display I spotted Allison. A few minutes later she walked over, with open arms to greet me. Then we found Kevin, his wife, and the twins (absolutely adorable) a few rows away. After a photo op in front of the Capital and a chat in the grass, Kevin had to get back to work so we all said goodbye and parted ways for lunch. Allison, Wendy, and I walked to a Ruby Tuesday's a few blocks away. We covered a variety of topics during the trek and lunch; crazy endos, my northern New Jersey culture shock, college, JDRF walks, if my was blog pink or purple and more. After lunch we walked to the nearest Metro stop where I had to help Allison and Wendy navigate purchasing fare cards. I found this extremely entertaining, because I rarely use Metro. After we made it through the gate we said our goodbyes, and I made my way home.
It was interesting to put real live faces, voices, and personalities to some of the blogs I read. Like that final missing puzzle piece. If you haven't met another blogger yet, I would recommend that you try to make that happen. It's definitely a worthwhile experience.

I'm sure Allison will have a post later with pictures, so be on the look out!

This blogging thing...

It's safe to say that my blogging has been infrequent. I apologize! I should have written about the trip I took to Kings Dominion without my insulin pump, but I didn't. I should have talked about the horrible day of blood sugars I had while attending Warped Tour a few weeks ago, but I let that one slide too. I could tell you about the beach road trip my friends want to plan, and the fact that I do not want to be the driver because of my Diabetes. But I've been having a lot of school related anxiety, so instead of addressing anything I've been avoiding most things including this blog. I'm on my way back out of it though, which means you'll be hearing from me again very soon. At the very least, I know I'll have something to say after Allison's DC meet up on the 4th.

I'm back!

It has been way too long! I wish I could say I’ve been off on crazy summer adventures, but I really haven’t. Of course I’ve been spending as much time with friends as possible, relaxing by the pool, and working on my tan, but I haven’t really been up to anything so spectacular that I couldn’t spare a few minutes to check in with the OC. I’ve mentioned before that diabetes as writing topic just gets a little boring at times, and I guess that’s why I haven’t felt the need to write here. Perhaps I need to share a little more me and little less “diabetor” to get the writing rolling again?

This summer has given me the opportunity to spend a lot of time with my friends. The majority of my friends live in a town about twenty five minutes away, but four of my closest friends live only five minutes from me so we’ve been trying to make the most of that. Usually just hanging out by my pool, watching TV, going to the park, or out to dinner, but it’s really more about the company. Since I am one of the few with a license and a car, I’ve taken the position as official driver to get all of us across town to see the rest of our friends. We hop in my bug, crank up the tunes, blast the a/c, and try make memories we hope will last forever.

Oh, oh guess who has braces now!? ME! I am probably the only person to ever be excited about braces, but I am. Okay, so it’s been a bit painful, and my OCD tendencies have now turned to obsessive multiple teeth brushings per day. But I know it will all be worth it in the end. Apparently they make me look younger, which is not good because I already have a “baby face” (at least that's what I've been told). I should probably mention I have to get a few teeth pulled because along with my baby face, I still have two baby teeth. Weird, right? Well they are still there because I don’t have any adult teeth underneath. Crazy!

I finished a class!!! I got a B! It was an honors Algebra II class, so I’m happy with that. I’m also on the verge of finishing another one. If I keep up this pace, I will definitely be applying to college for 2009, just like my friends! But then that leads to the next topic…

I am so freaked out about the idea of college. In the “I can not make this decision, stop asking me questions about my possible majors, no I don’t have a specific place in mind, ahhhh leave me alone” sort of way. One of my closest friends is struggling with this too. I can easily hold her hand telling her it will be okay, but I can’t do the same for myself. I think it’s because the idea of going to college was real until very recently. It’s hit me like a freight train, and I am still trying to recover from the impact.

Well I hope everyone is having an amazing summer! I’m off to learn some Spanish, you know so I can graduate on time and think about college...ew.

Summertime and the blogging isn't so easy.

Well it's been over a week...there are things I could write about, but I don't have enough time to get my thoughts together. You see my friends got out of school this past Friday. Since then it's kind of been non stop socializing and you know how that goes. So for now I've only got a few bullet points to keep you up to date.

• I'm over my pump slump.
  
• Took the SATs on June 7th. In an attempt to avoid lows I reduced my basal rate a bit, and ended the test at a cloudy 309...no wonder that last math section seemed like a foreign language. I'm hoping I still pulled off the score I was aiming for, because I really do not want to go through it again.
• Made it to day 235 for Diabetes 365, and then I just stopped taking pictures... I'm not really upset about it, and I'm not going to start up again. I never really felt like I was accomplishing the right goal/ any goal at all with the project. I also felt like highlighting Diabetes so much was not doing me any good. So I give up. I guess I should go tell them.
• In the past few days I've been slacking a bit with school, but I've got a goal and I'm going to reach it. By this time next year I will have that diploma in my hand!
• It's been ridiculously hot here. Like really really really hot! Seriously, I was sitting in a restaurant with my friend and the sign at the bank across the street said 110 degrees. Oh and if you don't know about the humidity of an East Coast summer just take my word for it. It's rough!
• Yesterday, I went swimming for the first time this summer. I completely forgot about putting my pump back on after 2 hours. I got caught up in conversation with a friend...4 hours after my disconnect I was 406mg/dL. I've learned my lesson.
  
• Oh yeah I also never told you my final thoughts on the KeyNote meter...in a few words. I'm not a fan.
  

When it's not shiny and new.

Eight months ago I was more than ready. I was sick of high blood sugars, waking up at three AM in the hopes of staving off morning highs, correcting all day, lows that I could not predict, and A1c’s that had never been anything lower than 8. I was a little nervous. What if I couldn’t deal with site changes? Bleeders? What would it be like to have such a huge part of this disease in my pocket, instead of stowed away in my purse? Would it be worth it? I wasn’t quite sure, and I’m still not certain that I have all the answers. I know I love the fact that I see good numbers more than bad ones. Going days without a number over 200 isn’t a surprise, it’s the norm. Having A1c’s under 7 make me feel great not only physically, but emotionally. I’ve never been prouder of how much control I can have with disease. It’s almost as if I’m playing a game, except the only person I’m trying to one up is me. A new trick with a meal bolus, lowering my averages, lowering my A1c, basal rate shifts, anything to win this never ending match between myself and this disease. But it can’t always be a game and it’s not always perfect.
There another side to this story.
I find myself holding off on site changes because I don’t want to look for a spot that isn’t scabbed and puffy. I hate the scabs. The patterns are like constellations, but instead of resembling a fearless hunter or a great bear, they just show me what my body isn’t capable of. The pump companies talk about how a pump makes your life easier with Diabetes, but I don’t think this is always true. Before I was on my pump I wondered if it would serve as a constant reminder, and for the first few months it didn’t seem that it would be. Now I know I was wrong. I can’t help but feel self conscious of the tubing, or the little glances someone will make at an infusion set on my arm. I feel different from everyone else. The responsibility makes me feel older and less free. There are even days when I seriously think about taking a break, giving it up. I know I won’t, but sometimes my mind wanders to what it was like when I didn’t pick outfits based on where my infusion set was or make plans based on infusion set changes. Some days are harder than others, but all I need to do is think of that first A1c of 6.8 to remind me that it’s worth it even when it doesn't seem that way.

(I wrote this entire post without knowing that today was the actual eight month anniversary of my pump arriving. Crazy.)

For the love of music.

I don't think it's much of a secret that I love music. My taste is varied, from country to alt rock, folk to R&B. I will listen to anything at least once. I'm always recommending songs to friends or picking what song will be the next big radio hit in advance. A job in the music industry has always been a dream, no matter how small the role.
Very few people show up to a concert solely for the opening act, but that’s what I did this past Sunday night. You see about a month ago I caught the tail end of a music video and I was intrigued. I needed to know more about the artist behind the beautiful voice, because he had that something. I immediately started searching the internet for more. I didn’t have a name or a song title just a few lines from the song, but I found him. Justin Nozuka, a 19-year-old from Toronto, Canada. After listening to two songs on his MySpace page, I knew I needed his album. I was in luck because it had been released two weeks prior, and I’m glad because waiting for it would have killed me. It’s rare that you can listen to an entire CD without skipping a track, but I didn’t skip a single one. From beginning to end Justin’s voice drives the songs with deeply emotional lyrics and amazing acoustic sound. He’s Jonny Lang with an acoustic guitar, Ben Harper with more of a voice, Joss Stone but a guy, really he’s just something I’ve never heard before.
Sunday was just amazing. His performance style was different from anyone else I had ever seen. He danced, had his eyes closed, and barely talked, almost as if the audience was just sneaking a glimpse of what he does at home in front of a mirror. After his set was over he signed autographs in the back and seemed surprised that people were acknowledging him. Of course I was in that "shocked I’m standing here talking to someone who has had a video on Vh1" state so I didn’t get to say much. Thankfully my amazing friend Lauren was able to talk to him a bit and ask him to take a picture with us, which he was more than happy to do. I could not get over how quiet and normal he was, or the fact that he continued to say thank you to us as if we were the only ones who came to see him. The next act was Marié Digby, who gained fame from her acoustic cover of “Umbrella” on YouTube. I would say her voice is somewhere along the lines of Mandy Moore, but Marié wrote all of the songs on her album and plays guitar and piano so that does give her music something more. The final act was Eric Hutchinson (think Ben Folds with a dash of Stevie Wonder’s funk). I was impressed with his interaction with the audience of just over 100 people. He accepted a t-shirt that a fan made for him, wished a girl happy birthday mid way through a song, and even replied that he would think about it when a girl screamed something about having his babies. At the end of the night he also signed autographs, and my friend Sarah was able to have her shirt signed. Eric was also generous enough to take a picture with us. After attending a concert at such a small venue, I don’t think I could ever attend a stadium or arena concert again. The artists were so accessible, friendly, and real, as if it were a private concert, except for the fact that it only cost me 20 dollars. What a wonderful night.

Here are a few pictures you can check out the rest in my Opening Acts! set on Flickr

Mary Tyler Moore on Oprah! Part 2.

Sorry it took me so long! It's not exactly straight. I had to record it with my camera because I don't have the equipment to transfer straight from DVR to PC. Anyway here it is. (In the first few seconds she was talking about not sleeping with Elvis, in case you were wondering.)




Sorry for the long absence. I have something fun to talk about, but I'll save them for tomorrow.

I love Perez.

Okay I know most people think that Perez Hilton (his real name is Mario Lavandeira Jr.) is a horrible person who likes to spread celebrity rumors. His site is a bit much for some, but in my opinion he is funny, insightful, and honest. I'll admit I am one of the millions who check in every day for a little bit of celebrity dirty laundry. Recently he started dedicating posts to any cause he feels he should get some attention. Today he posted about the JDRF! He told it like it was when Halle found the cure for diabetes, and now he's asking his millions of readers to support the JDRF! Kudos to him!

Here's a link to the exact post. Be warned the site is definitely not PG-13. If you'd rather keep things G, the picture I provided is readable if you click on it. I've cropped out the ads and such.

Mary Tyler Moore on Oprah!

I'm watching it now! Guess what Oprah asked her about?!! TYPE 1 DIABETES!!!! Can you tell I'm excited? Well I am. Mary did a wonderful job explaining a bit about how Type 1 has changed her life. It wasn't alot, but it was enough to get the word out. Apparently she has written a book about "growing up again" after her Type 1 diagnosis. She even plugged the JDRF! Yay Oprah has finally won my support back, I know I should credit her researchers for this but whatever.

At 5:30 CT you can click this link and read an over view of the show!

Double Time.

Well, I've been tagged by Ashley and Cara so I thought I should get this done before someone else tags me too! They have called me funny, honest, and fun so I hope I don't disappoint.

Rules:

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged, list their names & why you tagged them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying “You’re it!” & to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you, so since you’re not allowed to tag me back; let me know when you are done so I can go read YOUR weird, random, facts, habits and goals.

1) I eat sandwiches in a circle. You know like bite, turn, bite, turn.

2) I can cross my littlest/pinky/baby toe over what I guess is the ring toe, but only on my left foot.

3) I can not stand Corvettes. They just scream LOOK AT ME AND MY AWESOMENESS! But I hate to break it to you Mr. 40 year old balding banker, you look like a complete idiot and we all know you're going through a mid-life crisis.

4) I have a craft lair. It was formerly my play room with doll houses and games gallore. Now it's the place where all things crafty happen.

5) I would make the best personal assistant. I often admit to having few concrete life goals. I once heard from the o' so wise Rob & Big that a personal assistant should not have dreams, their dreams should be that of their employer. I thought to myself could so do that.

6) I want to be Diane Warren. I doubt that I could even actually write a song, but if there is one outlandish dream I have it is to write a hit song.

7) I am biracial, my mom is Causcasian/White(I'm trying to be PC here) and my dad is African American/Black, but people always ask me if I'm part Asian. I think it's the strangest most amusing thing.

8) I love acoustic music. I think you can really tell if a performer is actually good with an acoustic song. I can spend hours watching acoustic performances on YouTube.

9) I have this thing about cups. I refuse to use cups. I'll use a plastic cup that you can recycle you know like the red ones, but I will not use an actual cup/glass that is a typical household staple. I once found mold in one of our cups, which of course made me flip out. From then on I would either scrub any cup I wanted to use or drink straight from a can or bottle. I don't really know what it is, because I can drink out of glasses at restaurants, but not ones at home. I'm weird.

10) I've already named the children I hope to have in the future.


I choose:

Shannon because she's pretty awesome and that's reason enough.

Sara because it drives me crazy that there is no "h" in her name/I know she hates memes!

Seonaid because she's an excellent writer. I'm sure has has something wonderful to share.

Suzanne because she has quite the story and it's amazing what she has been able to accomplish in the past few months!

Courtney because she always has something interesting to say.

Hannah because she's from Pennsylvania. Okay seriously I just want to see what she has to say.

The Office.

Well, I totally under estimated my doctor. But really what else is new? I am so quick to make things worse than they are. He was actually really pleased with my averages, and even called them beautiful. Under my breath I muttered, “No they look like crap.” My A1c went from 6.8 to 6.9, and he said he was extremely happy with that as well. We discussed that exercise was really my only missing link, but that’s up to me to deal with. He didn’t comment much on my insulin intake. I think he’s finally realized that I just happen to require a lot of insulin to achieve better numbers, unlike so many doctors of the past who hesitated to up my intake. Seriously, how can he argue about insulin intake if the numbers are relatively good? We talked about the JDRF walk, and he told us about a fundraiser idea he’s been working on. It involves being dunked for donations! I would pay to see that.

When we went into the exam room there was a chair like the ones used in dialysis clinics. My mom asked him about it, and he basically explained that he will be starting a trial next week that involves 14 days of IV drugs to send newly diagnosed Type 1 into a non-permanent remission, as a part of the Protégé Study. He admitted that if it were his choice he wouldn’t choose to do it because staving it off isn’t quite good enough, but that it would hopefully help on the path to a cure. I thought it was good that he was honest about that, and I actually agree with him.

So the morale of the story is…I am the queen of unnecessary flipping out. I need to look at the broad picture of my numbers, not just the terrible individual ones. I should work on relaxing just a bit.

*10 PM update. After I wrote this post my blood sugar was 55mg/dL, so I apologize for any thing that doesn't make sense.

This one is all over the place.

First of all, Happy (Belated) Mother’s Day every mom!
Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs on the planet, and you deserve more than just a single day of recognition.

My thoughts have been extremely tangled lately.

School work has been the main priority, and that of course causes me to think about my future. When I think about my future there are three things that always come to mind. The first is somewhere along the lines of, “I can do this. I’m really making progress. College is really an attainable goal.” The second is more, “What if I can’t do this? It will never be enough. No college will ever want me. I’m a failure. My life sucks. I look like absolute shit on paper.” The third and hardest to think about is the fact that no matter what happens with my academic career, I’ll be watching my friends from the sidelines. I won’t have a graduation ceremony with the white robe and the smiling family in the stands. If I decide that college isn’t the right path, or I don’t feel that I’m ready, I’ll have to see my friends go off into the sunset leaving me behind. It’s hard to even write this. I guess most of all I’m just so scared that it will turn out that way, even if I do everything I can for it not to happen. The circumstances surrounding my decision to start distance learning were difficult to deal with, but now it’s even harder when thoughts like this make me doubt the choice I made.

Tomorrow I have my quarterly endocrinologist appointment. I had blood drawn last week, and I know for a fact that the results are not going to be good. If they are I would be completely surprised, and I would feel undeserving. I can see my grip slipping, and the proof is on my meter. My averages have started climbing up reaching the 140’s. At first I was writing it off. It’s stress, that time of the month, or just a fluke, but it’s gotten worse. I can see patterns in my eating habits, lax in my corrections, no logging. I’m not beating myself up, I’m acknowledging my weaknesses. I’ll get it together, I have to. I just hope that my endo doesn’t rip into me. That’s not really his style, but you know how easy it is to expect the worst the night before an appointment. If he mentions anything about my weight or how much insulin I’m taking, I can already see myself crying about it. I would appreciate if he would offer better solutions than taking Symlin or exercising more. He always says things like, “Your weight is up” or “You sure do take a lot of insulin,” but he rarely offers more than those few words. I want to scream at him, “Would you like me to start cutting my insulin?!” If I wasn’t as obsessed with striving for good management, I could see his words driving me to a bad place with my control. I know he means well, and he’s actually one of the best endos I’ve ever had, it’s just frustrating sometimes.

So until tomorrow…

One...

I’m a day early, but I’m going out of town for Mother’s Day so I have to post this today.

It's time for a blogiversary!

(I looked back and the first post you will see is dated May 11, 2007, but the real first post was May 10, 2007. It's safe to say the first post was completely terrible, at some point along the way I decided to delete it. Sorry! Don't bother reading this blog from the beginning. It's terrible, seriously I wish I could go back and rewrite it all. )

It’s been one year since I decided to share my story with the world. I came to you a scared 15 year old girl searching for something that I could not find in my everyday life. I needed support and reassurance. I needed to know it would be okay. That the years of terrible doctors, doing the best I could, and hiding my disease from the world could be turned around. What I found was something remarkable. A wonderful group of people, who took me in, taught me what I didn’t know, and extended help whenever I asked. I'll never be the poetic eloquent one, so I present...

One Year in Highlights (lots of links in no particular order):

I’ve seen my A1c drop from 10.5% to 8.2% with the help of online resources, asking questions, and actually talking to my doctor.

I turned Sweet 16.

I marked 11 years with Type 1.

I started Diabetes 365, and so far I am 208 days in.

I made the decision to switch to an insulin pump. I was no longer worried about the exterior marker of Diabetes, and I felt I finally had enough knowledge to handle the responsibility.

I learned to drive, and did the responsible thing by letting the MVA know I have Diabetes.

I had my first A1c under 7%, a lovely 6.8%.

I walked in my first JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes.

But enough about me…

I just need to say THANK YOU! I could never write anything to sum up how much each of you mean to me. I know I'll never feel alone with this disease again. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

JDRF WALK!

I'm home and very tired. The walk was a lot of fun. I have a new hobby, pump spotting! I exceeded my 500 dollar goal! I met Naomi! It's time for a nap, but I'll have way more to say tomorrow. Until then a picture of my team and a video that explains why I love these girls so much!

May Day! I've got a KeyNote.

When I got an email from Albert last week about testing out the WaveSense Keynote, I’ll admit I kind of laughed to myself. I have always wondered why he was blogging about Diabetes with little more than an outsiders view. I don't doubt that is he really is interested in what it means to live with either type of Diabetes, but this email just made it all click for me. Anyway I jumped at the chance to try out the new meter and I replied right away. I’ve waited patiently for the "assessment package" and it arrived today. Of course I immediately ripped open the UPS box to find all the loot.

It’s kind of sad that diabetes related stuff can make me so excited.

The package included:
2 WaveSense KeyNote Meters
12 boxes of 50 test strips (600 strips)
1 copy of Zero-Click data management software
High/low control solutions
100 33-gauge lancets

After reading over the paper work, I opened one of the meter boxes to get started. I’ll admit that I didn’t read the instructions at first because I thought I would be simple to set up. Well apparently it’s not or I was just completely unable figure it out. So I sucked it up and actually read the set up pamphlet. I think the fact that I actually had to read it might say something about the user friendliness, but I could also just be really used to the way OneTouch meters work. I got through the alarm, time, hypo/hyper warnings, sounds, backlight set up pretty quickly. Next I set up a control solution test, which seemed fine ringing in at a 115mg/dL. I decided the next step should be a comparative test so I set up both meters for a real glucose check. Washed my hands, pricked my finger and drew enough blood to use that same finger for both tests. I placed the blood on each strip and waited the 5 seconds. The KeyNote rang in at 211mg/dL while my UltraSmart clocked in at 138mg/dL, uhhh not that close.

So I set it all up again. KeyNote: 165mg/dL UltraSmart: 132mg/dL, still not as close as I would like but I did kind of feel a wee bit high so I go with the 165 and take a correction just to see what will happen. Thankfully the difference between 165 and 132 doesn’t really change the amount of insulin or the outcome too much for me.

30 minutes later I tried again, KeyNote: 167 mg/dL UltraSmart: 129 mg/dL. And now two and half hours later, Keynote: 120 mg/dL UltraSmart: 87 mg/dL.

My conclusion is that I ultimately trust my UltraSmart, especially on the last reading because I can feel when I am on the lower end of normal very easily. I start to have mild hypoglycemic symptoms, and right before I tested I realized I was extremely hungry and kind of clouded in my thoughts. Plus it is also the time when my basal has been kicked up for awhile in anticipation of dinner, so that 87 was exactly where I thought was/I usually am. I’ll keep double testing to figure out the accuracy issue. I usually squeeze out too much blood anyway so I might as well put it to good use. Now for some more meter details and my first impression. I’m going to be very honest here so be prepared.

Hate:

• The frigging batteries this thing takes. I’m used to buying a huge pack of triple a’s at Costco for my meter and pump. The KeyNote takes those stupid button batteries.
• The case. It’s too small. I can’t fit my usual extra supplies in it. In my UltraSmart case I usually have alcohol swabs, a pump cap, a syringe, pen top needles, a full pump cartridge and a vial of insulin in the net zip pouch. I could not fit all of that in the tiny KeyNote interior pockets. I also had a lot of trouble sliding the meter into and out of the little plastic sleeve. I’m not sure if it’s the elastic not being broken in or what, but it’s driving me crazy.
  
• The way the strips are packed so tightly into the vial. I thought 50 strips in a vial would be great, until I realized I couldn’t get them out very easily. I scratched around in the vial attempting to get them out. I finally resorted to lightly shaking them to the top like I was shaking a bit of salt into my hand. I can see this resulting in strips all over the floor.
  
• The backlight times out really quickly. I’m not sure if that’s something I can change in the settings or if it’s just stuck that way.
  
• It doesn’t store enough information. I may not always use the food entries etc on my UltraSmart, but I like the fact that they are there. The UltraSmart is like a Diabetes PDA. You can’t place the meter in the case any other way but the way it comes. Does that make sense? If it doesn’t with the UltraSmart you can place the meter in either direction in the plastic sleeve, KeyNote not so much. What’s up with no 7 day and 60 day average? Especially the 7 day, I love that on my UltraSmart. For instance I can see that this week I’ve had some really screwy numbers. 14 days doesn’t really show me as much.
  

Love:

• The design of the lancet device. It’s petite and sleek. I’m not sure how I feel about the actual lancets. I’m not one of those OMG I HAVE TO HAVE THE MULTICLIX kind of people so I don’t really care.
  
• The fact that the software came with this demo. I’ve used the OneTouch meters for 4 years without the software, just because I was too lazy to get it. So the fact that I’ve got some kind of management software to play with should be interesting. I haven’t used it yet so I don’t know if it would provide the information I like but it’s worth a shot.
  
• The fact the strips are insert side up in the vial(does that make sense?) Let me explain…I hate with the OneTouch strips that you touch the side that the blood goes in when you take a strip out of the vial, I just feel like it contaminates the strip or something. I’m weird.
  

So that’s that. I’ll have more as I continue to use the KeyNote.

A weekend review.

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I know I did. It was tiring and slightly stressful, but I made it through. I spent all of Friday evening working on the front of 12 t-shirts for my JDRF walk team members. Procrastination is one of my terrible habits. I was up until 1AM working on them, and I'm still paying for that lack of sleep. I woke up early Saturday to clean the kitchen floor, vacuum, and set up for the party. We were expecting about 6-7 of my friends, but unfortunately only 4 could make it. We had a great time chatting about the boys we are friends with and their lack of social ability. We watched Juno for the millionth time. I told them about my blog and that I would be meeting 2 people who also blog about diabetes at the walk. They thought it was so cool that I actually have a bit of a following. I didn't give them the blog address because I'm not that vocal about having Type 1 Diabetes in my everyday life, but who knows maybe they'll find it some day. I like to let people into this side of my life very slowly. We finished almost all of the shirts, and I was left with the responsibility of completing the ones that we didn't get to. Sunday I worked on the remaining ones and now I have 3 left. It was a very productive weekend!

You can check out the pictures in my JDRF Walk Flickr Set.

This week is going to pass by very quickly. On Friday we're going to New Jersey for my cousin's first communion, and we'll return late Saturday so we can make it to the walk on Sunday. Who knows when I'll have time to blog between school work and last minute prep for the weekend.
Have a good week!

Withdrawal.

I'm hooked. On the Diabetes OC!

I spent the entire day away from my computer and I missed you guys! You see it's very unusual for me to miss reading everyone's blogs. My school program is web-based, so I'm always online and I happen to pop by Diabetes Daily frequently to check out the blogs. But I decided to take the day off and accompany my sister around town.

Unfortunately I'll be bowing out again for the weekend because I have a lot to do! Tomorrow I'm hosting a party for the members of my JDRF walk team to personalize their team t-shirts. I have to tidy up the house, finish the painting the team name on the front of the shirts, figure out food, and pray that it doesn't rain because I want to work on the shirts outside. Oh and did I mention my mom is out of town so she isn't here to help me out with any of this?! Oy responsibility! With the walk only a week away I'm trying to round up my straggling donors and figure out if I will be able to reach my goal. I'm also supposed to be meeting the wonderful Jill and Naomi at the walk, but because this is my first one I have no idea how exactly that will work out (suggestions are welcome). Anywho I'm just checking in to say happy Friday and have a good weekend!

I think I love you....

From Allison
The rules: Make a list of your loves. The only catch? You can’t include a single person you know on your list. No “I love the way my husband laughs” or “I love hearing my little girl call for me.” It’ll be tough, I know. But this particular little exercise is about stripping away everyone who defines you and figuring out what you (not his partner; not their mother/daughter/sister/friend) love.

I love documentaries and the little glimpse into someone else’s world they provide.
I love movie trailers with catchy lines.
I love crying while sitting out in the rain, it’s so cleansing.
I love to buy notebooks, but I never write in them.
I love photography, capturing something beautiful and saving it forever.
I love singing even though I’m always off key.
I love watching movies over and over.
I love reading books, but I can never read them twice.
I love to be honest and sometimes it’s brutal.
I love to dance even though I can’t at all.
I love waking up with one of my dogs begging to get on my bed, picking him up and snuggling for a few extra minutes before I start my day.
I love that I can parallel park with ease.
I love the smell of banana cake.
I love hair dye, and the new identity it can create.
I love shoes, all styles and colors.
I love green eyes, and I wish I had them.
I love freckles.
I love my tiny hands.
I love my claddagh ring, and what it means to me.
I love swimming, the lightness and ease of being in the water.
I love shampoo and conditioner smells.
I love being in rooms with no lights on.
I love the sun.
I love white finger nail polish.
I love orange tic tacs.
I love the fact that I can’t play any card games except for go fish.
I love that I suck at spelling out loud.
I love that I have a list of names for my future children.
I love butterflies and ladybugs.
I love paper crafts and jewelry making.
I love intelligent conversation.
I love the opportunity to share.

Yesterday

I think we can all agree that yesterday was very successful.
I know that I laughed, cried, and most of all felt like I would never be alone with this disease.
I could hear our chorus of voices, and I hope that many others out there did as well.
Thank you all!
For stopping by to read what I had to say.
For the wonderful comments and compliment.
For standing up and raising your voice.
The D-OC is SPECTACULAR!

The Few, The Forgotten, The Type 1’s.

Today is Raise Your Voice for Type 1 Diabetes Awareness Day

First some facts:

Type 1 Diabetes is an autoimmune disease. There is absolutely no way to prevent it. There are no bad habits or lifestyle choices to blame. No one knows exactly why each case is caused. There can be families full of Type 1 Diabetics or families like mine where I stand alone. No special diets, miracle pills, or insane exercise routines will regenerate the insulin producing cells that were killed by our immune systems. Insulin is a hormone that would naturally, in a person without Type 1 Diabetes, allow the body to accept the glucose in food to provide energy; it also constantly stabilizes blood sugar. Because we (people with Type 1) don’t have those insulin producing cells anymore, we must inject or pump insulin. To do this we use a complicated system of numbers matching every gram of carbohydrate we eat and our current blood glucose numbers to units of insulin. But you have to always keep in mind your activity level, daily stress, and the different affect each type of food has on your body. It’s a challenge, and one false move can mean disaster. If the balance isn’t just right, it can mean hypoglycemia (blood glucose goes too low) and a possible 911 call or hyperglycemia (blood glucose goes too high) and the possibility of future complications, like amputation or kidney disease.

Now some feelings:

Although the onset of Type 1 Diabetes is usually (some Type 1’s are diagnosed much later in life) during childhood, it is not only a childhood disease. We don’t trade in our meters, pumps, insulin, and syringes for voter registration cards on our 18^th birthdays. The majority of us have taken this disease through many phases of our lives. Our first day of school, our high school graduations, our first jobs, our weddings, and sadly it will eventually accompany us to our funerals if a cure is not found.

I think I speak for the majority of Type 1’s when I say that we feel like second class People with Diabetes. The term Diabetes gets tossed around very freely and 99% of the time the term Type 2 Diabetes should be used. Think about what you’ve heard on TV lately.

Statements like:

“Obesity causes Diabetes.”

“With the help of such and such diet pill/plan I’ve cured my Diabetes.”

“Lower your risk for Diabetes”.

The fact is the media chooses to use these incorrect phrases for the simple fact that Type 2 Diabetes is the more common disease, but that doesn’t make it right. These statements make it harder for each and every person with Type 1 Diabetes to rise above the stigma of the “Diabetes” label. We did not cause this disease, and really many people with Type 2 Diabetes haven’t done anything to “cause” their disease either. We can’t just lose weight to make it go away. Popping a special pill won’t give us control. Type 1 Diabetes is life long.

If you don’t have Type 1 Diabetes or know someone with it, think about it like this:

I have had this disease for almost 12 years, since the age of 5. Name one thing that you have been dealing with for 11 plus years or since the age of 5 that requires constant attention that you never choose to commit to… I can’t think of many other things except for other health related issues. I can’t quit this disease like I quit the T-ball team when I was 6. I can’t cut it off like I did with my hair last year when it was driving me insane. I can’t divorce Type 1 Diabetes.

I don’t want sympathy.

I don’t want pity.

I want understanding.

I want people to become more educated and aware that there is more than just “Diabetes”.

How can you become more aware or spread awareness?

Visit The Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) website.

Make a Donation to help find a cure for Type 1 Diabetes.

Read a complete overview of what Type 1 Diabetes including a list of symptoms.

Donate to my personal JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes fund raising goal.

Peak into the lives of people documenting living one year with Diabetes (of all types) through photographs.

Check out how other bloggers are raising their voices.

Go thank Kerri for organizing this for us!

And finally if you are lurking, feel free to ask questions about Type 1 Diabetes. I'll be happy to answer them.

What I need...

Before I get to the meme that I found via Penny a quick update.

I was pretty successful with the school work goals I mentioned Monday. I was able to consistently work every day except for Thursday when I spent the day out of the house at a doctor's appoint and roaming around town. Wednesday site change slip up set me back a bit, with wacky blood sugars and the icky bloody stuff I hate so much. I spent this morning doing school work, and then headed off to another rugby game. Unfortunately our team lost but they were playing the # 6 team in the country, without their 2 star players who are injured. Two of my friends had to be taken out of the game after being hit pretty badly, but thankfully they will be alright. It was a beautiful day at almost 80 degrees, and I enjoyed being out in the sun. I've even got a bit of a sun burn/tan on my face. I love spring!

And now for the meme: '

Jillian needs to do something besides her all alone, unrelenting mourning.

Really? I'm not mourning anything right now, but I do tend to sulk off by myself when bad things happen.


Jillian needs her tonsils and adenoids out.

No I don't. I hope this isn't a prediction of something in my future.


Jillian needs our prayers.

Well if you're offering I'll take them.


Jillian needs to get her own style and she needs to stop dressing like she's 23 and on the Hills.

I love this one. Um someone was definitely in a great mood when they posted this. I would have to say my style no where near that of the girls on the The Hills. I'm totally a t-shirt and jeans girl with little pops of style (mostly my shoes).

Jillian needs to know that her mind has not caught up with the rest of the country.

I think not. I'm pretty spot on with mainstream America.

Jillian needs the thin runway models.

This has to be about Project Runway, by the way Jillian was my favorite contestant. Anyway I hate to admit this but I'm totally mean when it comes to modeling shows. I don't know why but I love to say that girls who would be considered thin in real life are too fat to be models. I'll sit you know eating my pop corn and yelling at the tv about how fat some girl who weighs about 110 pounds is. I should mention that I am pleasantly plump so I have no room to speak. Do you see what the American media has done to my brain!?!

Jillian needs to boost (steal) something to feel better.

Actually it's quite the opposite. I could never steal, I'd have a panic attack.

Jillian needs to re-read her job description.

I have no job... Unemployed homeschooler...

Jillian needs emergency surgery.

Don't worry. I would totally tell you if I was having surgery. Hopefully I won't ever have to because I hate hospitals!

Jillian needs a little brother like I need a hole in the head.

This one is so true. Little boys are so weird. After a weekend with my cousins age 5 and 8, I never want to know another little boy. Okay I'm only kidding, but seriously I could not stand having to hear about boobs and video games that much. They are just gross.

What A Wednesday.

Before I went to sleep last night I filled a pump insulin cartridge for the site change I knew I would have to do as soon as I woke up this morning.
Well I woke up and found this:
A knot in my tubing.
Accompanied by a 240mg/dL bloodsugar.
After snapping that picture I started my site change routine:
Put the cartridge in the pump.
While the rod was pulling the cartridge back, I IV prepped my new site and unwrapped the new infusion set. Let dry.
Secured the pump cap over the cartridge.
Screwed the old longer tubing from my last site on to the cartridge. (The set I was putting in had short tubing pre-connected inside the inserter.)
Popped the site in my left hip.
Sting!
I pulled the guide needle out and saw a tiny drop of blood. No problem.


I looked down at the tubing that is pre-connected to the site, it was filling with blood. Almost as if I was having blood drawn at the lab.
I steadied myself (have I mentioned my hatred for bleeding?), and got to work yanking the site out using a warm washcloth.
After I had the site out and stopped the bleeding I put some antibiotic cream and a Sesame Street band aid on it.
Then I started the site change process over again.
The next set seemed fine until a few hours later when my blood sugar was sticking around 250.

Thankfully when I started writing this I clocked in at 100 exactly.

What a day!

Raise Your Voice Banners.

Colleen sent me an email asking for help posting the animated version of the Raise Your Voice banners.

I realize Kerri didn't exactly give you guys the right instructions to post the banners with their animation.
So for those of you who aren't HTML savvy, here are the instructions to make it a bit easier for you. The beginning of the instructions only apply for those of you with blogger blogs, but the codes should work for everyone...

From the Blogger Dashboard:
click Manage Layout.
Then in Add and Arrange Elements, click Add a Page Element. A window should pop up, you need to choose the "HTML/JavaScript" option.
Another window will pop up with a blank text box.

In that blank text box post one of the following codes, but replace the { } with their corresponding greater than and less than signs < >. I've linked all of the banners back to
Kerri's Original Alert Day post. The codes are beneath their corresponding images. (I can see that my blog layout does not allow you to view the whole code, but by highlighting until the end of what you can see and then copying should select the entire code.)

{a href="http://sixuntilme.com/blog2/2008/03/sound_the_alarm_diabetes_alert.html"}{img src="http://sixuntilme.com/blog-mt2/blog_images/2008April/raiseyourvoice2_green.gif"/}{/a}





{a href="http://sixuntilme.com/blog2/2008/03/sound_the_alarm_diabetes_alert.html"}{img src="http://sixuntilme.com/blog-mt2/blog_images/2008April/raiseyourvoice2_green2.gif"/}{/a}





{a href="http://sixuntilme.com/blog2/2008/03/sound_the_alarm_diabetes_alert.html"}{img src="http://sixuntilme.com/blog-mt2/blog_images/2008April/raiseyourvoice2_primary_colors.gif"/}{/a}

{a href="http://sixuntilme.com/blog2/2008/03/sound_the_alarm_diabetes_alert.html"}{img src="http://sixuntilme.com/blog-mt2/blog_images/2008April/raiseyourvoice2_purple.gif"/}{/a}





{a href="http://sixuntilme.com/blog2/2008/03/sound_the_alarm_diabetes_alert.html"}{img src="http://sixuntilme.com/blog-mt2/blog_images/2008April/ryv_blue_logo.gif"/}{/a}

{a href="http://sixuntilme.com/blog2/2008/03/sound_the_alarm_diabetes_alert.html"}{img src="http://sixuntilme.com/blog-mt2/blog_images/2008April/ryv_purpgreen.gif"/}{/a}

Monday Mash...

Well, the dance was a lot of fun. I met up with a few friends, and we danced the night away. As usual I complained about the heat from all of the people being in such a closed space, and how much my feet hurt in my favorite red heels by the end of the night.
On the diabetes front things were excellent. The dress I wore already had pockets, so I just slit a little hole in one for my tubing and no one even knew it was there. I arrived at the dance with a blood sugar of 106 on an 85% basal rate. I ate a pack of Swedish Fish to account for a bit of IOB left over from dinner and then I hit the dance floor. I ended the night at a fabulous 118. I would post a picture of me all gussied up, but I did not realize until the end of the night how low cut my dress was...so no pictures to embarrass myself even further by letting the whole world see.

I went to the dentist today. Most of it was good news. I am luckily blessed with no wisdom teeth, seriously I do not have them! I also don't have any cavities, but I do have to go back for the dentist to check out something (he suspects a cavity) underneath a sealant that I had put on 3 years ago. Unfortunately the hygienist did detect a small amount of gingivitis around my bottom front teeth, but that can easily be remedied with my "home care regimen". It's basically that I hate mouth wash, and I don't floss every single day (are there actually people that do?) So I guess I'll have to suck it up, and ramp up that aspect of my diabetes related regimen because unfortunately diabetes and gingivitis are related.

Time for another long week. I'm planning to focus more on my school work, we will see where that leads. I'm hoping I can get into a more consistent groove, because what I've been doing has not been as productive as I would like.

Have a great week!