I love Perez.

Okay I know most people think that Perez Hilton (his real name is Mario Lavandeira Jr.) is a horrible person who likes to spread celebrity rumors. His site is a bit much for some, but in my opinion he is funny, insightful, and honest. I'll admit I am one of the millions who check in every day for a little bit of celebrity dirty laundry. Recently he started dedicating posts to any cause he feels he should get some attention. Today he posted about the JDRF! He told it like it was when Halle found the cure for diabetes, and now he's asking his millions of readers to support the JDRF! Kudos to him!

Here's a link to the exact post. Be warned the site is definitely not PG-13. If you'd rather keep things G, the picture I provided is readable if you click on it. I've cropped out the ads and such.

Mary Tyler Moore on Oprah!

I'm watching it now! Guess what Oprah asked her about?!! TYPE 1 DIABETES!!!! Can you tell I'm excited? Well I am. Mary did a wonderful job explaining a bit about how Type 1 has changed her life. It wasn't alot, but it was enough to get the word out. Apparently she has written a book about "growing up again" after her Type 1 diagnosis. She even plugged the JDRF! Yay Oprah has finally won my support back, I know I should credit her researchers for this but whatever.

At 5:30 CT you can click this link and read an over view of the show!

Double Time.

Well, I've been tagged by Ashley and Cara so I thought I should get this done before someone else tags me too! They have called me funny, honest, and fun so I hope I don't disappoint.

Rules:

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged, list their names & why you tagged them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying “You’re it!” & to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you, so since you’re not allowed to tag me back; let me know when you are done so I can go read YOUR weird, random, facts, habits and goals.

1) I eat sandwiches in a circle. You know like bite, turn, bite, turn.

2) I can cross my littlest/pinky/baby toe over what I guess is the ring toe, but only on my left foot.

3) I can not stand Corvettes. They just scream LOOK AT ME AND MY AWESOMENESS! But I hate to break it to you Mr. 40 year old balding banker, you look like a complete idiot and we all know you're going through a mid-life crisis.

4) I have a craft lair. It was formerly my play room with doll houses and games gallore. Now it's the place where all things crafty happen.

5) I would make the best personal assistant. I often admit to having few concrete life goals. I once heard from the o' so wise Rob & Big that a personal assistant should not have dreams, their dreams should be that of their employer. I thought to myself could so do that.

6) I want to be Diane Warren. I doubt that I could even actually write a song, but if there is one outlandish dream I have it is to write a hit song.

7) I am biracial, my mom is Causcasian/White(I'm trying to be PC here) and my dad is African American/Black, but people always ask me if I'm part Asian. I think it's the strangest most amusing thing.

8) I love acoustic music. I think you can really tell if a performer is actually good with an acoustic song. I can spend hours watching acoustic performances on YouTube.

9) I have this thing about cups. I refuse to use cups. I'll use a plastic cup that you can recycle you know like the red ones, but I will not use an actual cup/glass that is a typical household staple. I once found mold in one of our cups, which of course made me flip out. From then on I would either scrub any cup I wanted to use or drink straight from a can or bottle. I don't really know what it is, because I can drink out of glasses at restaurants, but not ones at home. I'm weird.

10) I've already named the children I hope to have in the future.


I choose:

Shannon because she's pretty awesome and that's reason enough.

Sara because it drives me crazy that there is no "h" in her name/I know she hates memes!

Seonaid because she's an excellent writer. I'm sure has has something wonderful to share.

Suzanne because she has quite the story and it's amazing what she has been able to accomplish in the past few months!

Courtney because she always has something interesting to say.

Hannah because she's from Pennsylvania. Okay seriously I just want to see what she has to say.

The Office.

Well, I totally under estimated my doctor. But really what else is new? I am so quick to make things worse than they are. He was actually really pleased with my averages, and even called them beautiful. Under my breath I muttered, “No they look like crap.” My A1c went from 6.8 to 6.9, and he said he was extremely happy with that as well. We discussed that exercise was really my only missing link, but that’s up to me to deal with. He didn’t comment much on my insulin intake. I think he’s finally realized that I just happen to require a lot of insulin to achieve better numbers, unlike so many doctors of the past who hesitated to up my intake. Seriously, how can he argue about insulin intake if the numbers are relatively good? We talked about the JDRF walk, and he told us about a fundraiser idea he’s been working on. It involves being dunked for donations! I would pay to see that.

When we went into the exam room there was a chair like the ones used in dialysis clinics. My mom asked him about it, and he basically explained that he will be starting a trial next week that involves 14 days of IV drugs to send newly diagnosed Type 1 into a non-permanent remission, as a part of the Protégé Study. He admitted that if it were his choice he wouldn’t choose to do it because staving it off isn’t quite good enough, but that it would hopefully help on the path to a cure. I thought it was good that he was honest about that, and I actually agree with him.

So the morale of the story is…I am the queen of unnecessary flipping out. I need to look at the broad picture of my numbers, not just the terrible individual ones. I should work on relaxing just a bit.

*10 PM update. After I wrote this post my blood sugar was 55mg/dL, so I apologize for any thing that doesn't make sense.

This one is all over the place.

First of all, Happy (Belated) Mother’s Day every mom!
Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs on the planet, and you deserve more than just a single day of recognition.

My thoughts have been extremely tangled lately.

School work has been the main priority, and that of course causes me to think about my future. When I think about my future there are three things that always come to mind. The first is somewhere along the lines of, “I can do this. I’m really making progress. College is really an attainable goal.” The second is more, “What if I can’t do this? It will never be enough. No college will ever want me. I’m a failure. My life sucks. I look like absolute shit on paper.” The third and hardest to think about is the fact that no matter what happens with my academic career, I’ll be watching my friends from the sidelines. I won’t have a graduation ceremony with the white robe and the smiling family in the stands. If I decide that college isn’t the right path, or I don’t feel that I’m ready, I’ll have to see my friends go off into the sunset leaving me behind. It’s hard to even write this. I guess most of all I’m just so scared that it will turn out that way, even if I do everything I can for it not to happen. The circumstances surrounding my decision to start distance learning were difficult to deal with, but now it’s even harder when thoughts like this make me doubt the choice I made.

Tomorrow I have my quarterly endocrinologist appointment. I had blood drawn last week, and I know for a fact that the results are not going to be good. If they are I would be completely surprised, and I would feel undeserving. I can see my grip slipping, and the proof is on my meter. My averages have started climbing up reaching the 140’s. At first I was writing it off. It’s stress, that time of the month, or just a fluke, but it’s gotten worse. I can see patterns in my eating habits, lax in my corrections, no logging. I’m not beating myself up, I’m acknowledging my weaknesses. I’ll get it together, I have to. I just hope that my endo doesn’t rip into me. That’s not really his style, but you know how easy it is to expect the worst the night before an appointment. If he mentions anything about my weight or how much insulin I’m taking, I can already see myself crying about it. I would appreciate if he would offer better solutions than taking Symlin or exercising more. He always says things like, “Your weight is up” or “You sure do take a lot of insulin,” but he rarely offers more than those few words. I want to scream at him, “Would you like me to start cutting my insulin?!” If I wasn’t as obsessed with striving for good management, I could see his words driving me to a bad place with my control. I know he means well, and he’s actually one of the best endos I’ve ever had, it’s just frustrating sometimes.

So until tomorrow…

One...

I’m a day early, but I’m going out of town for Mother’s Day so I have to post this today.

It's time for a blogiversary!

(I looked back and the first post you will see is dated May 11, 2007, but the real first post was May 10, 2007. It's safe to say the first post was completely terrible, at some point along the way I decided to delete it. Sorry! Don't bother reading this blog from the beginning. It's terrible, seriously I wish I could go back and rewrite it all. )

It’s been one year since I decided to share my story with the world. I came to you a scared 15 year old girl searching for something that I could not find in my everyday life. I needed support and reassurance. I needed to know it would be okay. That the years of terrible doctors, doing the best I could, and hiding my disease from the world could be turned around. What I found was something remarkable. A wonderful group of people, who took me in, taught me what I didn’t know, and extended help whenever I asked. I'll never be the poetic eloquent one, so I present...

One Year in Highlights (lots of links in no particular order):

I’ve seen my A1c drop from 10.5% to 8.2% with the help of online resources, asking questions, and actually talking to my doctor.

I turned Sweet 16.

I marked 11 years with Type 1.

I started Diabetes 365, and so far I am 208 days in.

I made the decision to switch to an insulin pump. I was no longer worried about the exterior marker of Diabetes, and I felt I finally had enough knowledge to handle the responsibility.

I learned to drive, and did the responsible thing by letting the MVA know I have Diabetes.

I had my first A1c under 7%, a lovely 6.8%.

I walked in my first JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes.

But enough about me…

I just need to say THANK YOU! I could never write anything to sum up how much each of you mean to me. I know I'll never feel alone with this disease again. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

As promised...

A review of my first ever JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes!

Just like a kid on Christmas morning I woke up way too early for the long day ahead. In the extra time I had I cleaned my room and organized all the junk I planned on taking with me to the walk. At 8 the first of my friends arrived, and we decided to lounge around in the family room to wait for the others. By 8:30 everyone had arrived. We had a quick breakfast of bagels and donuts, then it was off to the Metro. Unfortunately we were running a little late and the trains don't run as frequently on Sundays so we didn't end up getting to our stop until 10:15. Then we got lost on our way to the start/registration table. For people who live right outside of the city we definitely don't go in as often as many would think. After we turned in our money and received our t-shirts we started our trek around the mall. One of my friends thought we should have a sing a long to keep up team morale, so that's exactly what we did. Our repertoire included *Nsync, Sara Bareilles, Stevie Wonder, and the fabulous Justin Timberlake. You know you really want to watch our amazing rendition of Lean On Me. We frightened a lot of small children and intrigued a lot of adults. A few teams even joined in on our songs as we passed them. Because we started so late we only did the "Family Fun Walk," so that we could catch up with the rest of the walkers. As we got closer to the finish line I made a call to Naomi, and suprisingly she was only a bit ahead of us. It was wonderful to have my first OC meeting. I felt like I already knew her, so it wasn't as awkward as I would have expected. (I am the most awkward person, so I expect the worst when it comes to meeting people for the first time.) After we said goodbye to Naomi and her family we made our approach to the finish line. The sponsers were providing a light lunch, so the whole team decided to stop there before we got back on the Metro. We spent about an hour sitting on the steps of the National Museum of the American Indian eating, chatting, and taking advantage of the photo opportunites. I even spotted a few pumps sneaking out of pockets, and apparently blue Cozmos are a huge hit among the teen crowd. At 1 we started walking back to the Metro, and thankfully we knew our way back. We brought everyone back to our house, and the girls and I spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing. I can't even explain how great the day was. I've never been that open about having diabetes when it comes to my frienships, and the fact that so many of my friends were so willing to support me was just overwhelming. They even said they wanted to come back next year!

For pictures check out my JDRF Walk set on Flickr!