Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I don't have a title for this one.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m missing some part of my brain. When it comes to understanding the emotions that others seem to have when it comes to their diabetes, I have trouble “getting it”.

As of today, I’m not sad and I can’t say that I can remember ever being that way. I know I used to be scared, but not of the complications or the future. I was afraid of the shots (when I was very little), blood work, and the way the world would view me as a diabetic. My parents never worried about my future or my lows while I wasn’t in their care (I’ve asked them.) The worst part for my parents was being the ones who had to give me the shots, and the exhausting process I would put them through as I fought them off. My doctors didn’t put a lot of weight into A1c numbers in the beginning. It may be old school thinking, but they realized that anything near “perfect control” wasn’t really possible in a growing child. It was 2 shots a day and couple of glucose tests. There wasn't talk of correction factors, basal, bolus etc. It was simple and no where near perfect. It barely worked. I can’t even remember if I thought “diabetes” was a forever kind of thing. But I’m thankful for those things, because if I had known diabetes was that “bad” I probably would have turned out a lot differently. I now know that without a cure, diabetes means forever. But I’m pretty sure I’d be okay with that. For me it still doesn’t seem that “bad”. I’m confident in my abilities to tweak numbers, know my body’s reactions, sense lows, and care for myself. For right now I’m healthy and relatively happy. Things could be much worse. I could be dying, but I'm not. I'm living. Plus there are people who don’t have the amazing technology of an insulin pump, the insulin for it, or meters that read in 5 seconds. I’m more worried about high school, college, a future career, and if Justin Timberlake will ever know I love him, than I am about my diabetic future. Being a “diabetic” is probably one of the last things on the list that describes me. It’s also one of the last things that has any influence on who I am as a person. Diabetes care is just something I do because I have to. It’s like breathing. I don’t really need to think about it. I just do it. This might change one day, but for now this is how I feel.

These are the cards I’ve been dealt, and I have no other choice but to live well with them.

Monday, January 28, 2008

The Final Round of Questions.

What would you put on a list of 50 things you'd like to do before you die? - Jeff

I’m not sure I have exactly a top 50. I’m not the most adventurous person so you won’t see climbing Mt. Everest or anything like that. But I can give you a glimpse, in no particular order of a few “goals” I have:

  • I love Hawaii, the culture, the beaches, the people, everything! I went there when I was maybe 3 but the memories are vivid and I want to go back.
  • I’m a wooden roller coaster fanatic. I’ve ridden a few that have graced top coaster lists, but I would love to make a trip to Cedar Point, Knott’s Berry Farm, and a few other parks to enjoy the “best” ones.
  • I want to drive a car on the Autobahn. Preferably a manual Mellow Yellow Mini Cooper.
  • Visit every US state.
  • Visit the 5 continents I haven’t been to (I’m pretty sure you can’t hop on a plane to Antarctica and I live in North America, duh.) This may be a problem because I am not a huge fan of planes.
  • Get married, if someone will have crazy little me.
  • I would like to be a mother, in whatever way that comes to me.
  • I’ve been thinking a little more about my future career. So owning my own business would be a goal, selling crafty bits of course. It’s the only thing I’ve ever really been happy doing.
  • Becoming the proud owner of an D-SLR camera and learning more about photography as a whole.
  • I want to write a book, just because. It doesn’t have to be published or anything. I’ve just realized that I like writing and telling stories, so I think it would be fun.
  • This maybe stupid, but I would love to go to a taping of the Oprah Winfrey show. I trash talk her a lot around my house, but seriously there is something so incredible about her I have to see it in person.
  • Purchase my own home. (This isn’t one of those typical 1001 things before I die items, but I think it’s very important.)
  • I’d like to own a Newfoundland (as in the dog, I know it’s random.)
  • There are probably a few other things, but I can't really think of anything else right now.

Why do you want to visit Boston? Is it to check out historical stuff about the US, or do you have friends/family there? Have you already been? – Naomi

I'll admit my initial reasons for wanting to go to Boston were very superficial. First of all, I love the accent. It’s also safe to say a few famous and gorgeous guys hail from the great city. Plus I hear the shopping is amazing! Add to that the strong history and sight seeing opportunities, it sounds like my idea of a perfect city to visit.

I’ve answered them all. So now it's back to our regularly scheduled programming. If you have more questions feel free to ask. I also encourage you to open your own blogs to questions. It’s fun to switch up the topics! Happy Monday!

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Thinking Out Loud

Well no one said I couldn’t analyze some of the words you gave me. Some I've heard people use to describe me before, others are new to me. Don't feel obligated to comment in response to the word you left, I’m basically just sharing what I thought when I read them. By the way thanks for all of the comments, I really didn’t expect so many! You guys are wonderful!

Feisty! Really, I get this one all the time from friends and family. I’m just completely surprised that you were able to get this from my writing alone. Also it's something that takes a while to show in person. I'm usually reserved and observant, and then I warm up to the outrageous opinionated me.

Driven. I know I can be, but lately I’ve definitely been lacking this characteristic. Perhaps it will come back to me soon. I sure hope it does, apathy does not suit me or make my parents happy.

Inspiring (2). I will never understand this, what exactly do I inspire? I’m not really sure how it’s possible. I’m average, and I just do the best I can. I’ll take it none the less.

Mature (2). I am a grandma in a teenager’s body, complete with cardigan sweaters and craft hobbies. I’m pretty sure it has to do with the many things I’ve dealt with growing up (my anxiety, my father’s chronic depression and bipolar disorder, my sister’s lupus diagnosis, being a biracial kid, diabetes, being the “baby” etc). Also I have the most amazing mother who has always told me to share my opinions and feelings openly, which sometimes gets me in trouble.

Articulate. (from my sister) She hates how much I talk! Gee thanks!

Cool. Haha no I’m not. I’m one of the hugest dorks ever, but okay if you think so.

Uplifted. This one also makes me wonder. I definitely raised my eyebrow at it. Maybe just in what sense? I know it's obviously a compliment, I just can't wrap my mind around it.

Happy weekend all!

Friday, January 25, 2008

I owe you guys this one. My first drive.

Let's set the scene.
My friends and I always have trouble making plans so that everyone can attend. For almost a month the girls and I had been talking about a girl's day. So we picked Monday (MLK day) when we knew everyone would be off and free. Most of my friends just happen to live in a town about 25/30 minutes away, because the school I used to attend allows students from more than just the town it's in for the Science & Technology program. So we usually end up hanging out somewhere closer to their houses, of coursed we picked the local outdoor shopping center on one of the coldest days but that is beside the point. Now that I have my license these sort of trips will become a little bit easier, because my mom would usually sit in the book store while I walked around with my friends or go waste money somewhere and I always felt bad about it. It was just easier for her to stay than drive the almost 1 hour round trip.
I was permitted to leave the house a little early to go sussy shopping and eventually meet my friends. The ride there was fine. I tested in the 120ish range at the house, got behind the wheel of the van, popped in my Dixie Chicks CD and sang the whole way there. When I arrived at the book store I checked my blood sugar again and it was 91, I drank some juice because I knew I wouldn't be there long but 91 was only going to drop. I left the bookstore, checked my sugar again, and headed for the near by mall to have lunch with my friends. We spent the day going in and out of the stores trying to keep warm, buying a few things (a pair of purple sequin ballet flats for me), and eventually ended up at the movie theater to see Juno. I checked my blood sugar before the movie and came in at 190, I gave less than half a correction bolus and went in to enjoy the show (go see it, it was my second time, I still laughed and cried). I knew that my basal rate would start to kick up towards the end of the movie because it was around the time I usually prepare to eat dinner (I have weird evening highs I'll call it dinner phenomenon) . So after I cried my eyes out at the end of the movie, I made sure my friends were with their parents and went to the van. I turned the engine on to warm up, then checked my blood sugar, 67. Can't drive with that. So I pop a juice box and call my house. I talked to my sister, and told her I was doubling my usual treatment and then I would head home when my blood sugar was over 100. She tells our parents and they say okay. I was actually wasn't too surprised by this reaction, my mom is of the "she won't always have us to save her" school. I waited retested, 122, and started the trip home. When I got home I found out my dad had been freaking out, and had suggested that they drive the half hour out to get me. I just laughed and told him I was prepared and not to worry! All in all it was a great day. I wasn't even upset that diabetes had to tarnish my first driving memory.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

This time only 1 word!

I've seen this on Beth, Amylia, and Nicole's blogs so I thought I'd give it a try.

The rules:

Use one word to describe me … just one single word.

Leave it in my comments.

Then post this message on your blog and see how many strange and interesting things people say about you!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

463 words.

That's how many words came before the words "Type 2 Diabetes" in this article, which was featured on Yahoo's front page. So once again "diabetes" is caused by obesity my friends, and I guess as "diabetics" we should all sign up for gastric bypass! UGH.

'"We have traditionally considered diabetes to be a chronic, progressive disease," said Cummings of the University of Washington in Seattle. "But these operations really do represent a realistic hope for curing most patients."' What a joke!

Friday, January 18, 2008

Two Times the Thank Yous

First I'll thank those of you who stopped by to congratulate me on getting my license! I haven't had the chance to use my new found freedom yet. Hopefully soon I'll have stories of my adventures as a new, young, diabetic driver to share with you. I got my Sussy Circle information this morning, so that will give me an excuse to borrow the car to work on finding the perfect sussy.

Second set of thank yous, goes to those of you who continuously stop by and give me amazing compliments. Although sometimes it's hard to agree with the fact that you think I'm "amazing," "well adjusted," or a "talented writer". I always enjoy the tiny boosts that your words bring to my day.

Have a great weekend!!!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

You gave me questions. Now you've got answers! Part 3.

Today's question comes from the lovely and kind Miss Collen.

What do you think you want to do as an adult?

Now that is truly the million dollar question. I’ve been trying to put more and more thought into my future lately. Since I’m still trying to catch up to my former classmates and friends, it’s hard to say if I will actually be a freshman in college when they will. It is my ultimate goal to go to college in 2009, like I should had everything stayed on track. I have some friends who know exactly what they want in potential colleges, careers, and adult life. Me on the other hand, I have no clue. I know I need to go to college. Where that college is or what I’ll study there, I can’t tell you. I can however tell you that I know at some point I would like to get married and have children, but who knows if that will happen. I also know I want a career, and not to just be someone’s wife or mother. (SAHM’s don’t shoot me, I know what you do is a job and I think you are amazing, but I also know that it wouldn’t be right for me.) What that career is, I don’t have an answer here either. The thing is, I’ve found that I have a lack of ambition and direction. I know that people say I am good at certain things, but I don’t feel that way or feel much passion for anything in those fields. I’m not one of those people who have known from a young age that being a writer or a doctor is exactly what they were made for. I might be one of those people who figures out what they want after dabbling in a zillion different things. For now I’m just not sure. Sorry I don't have a more interesting or direct answer. If I figure it out I'll definitely write about it.

PS. It's snowing here today and sticking!!
Finnegan & I are very happy about this!!!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Just thought I'd let you know.


After all of the MVA crap, I am now a provisionally licensed driver in the great state of Maryland!

Diabetes 365 - Day 94 Licensed!
(Today's Diabetes 365 picture, I'm on day 94.
You should stop by and see what we've all been up to!)

So if you are in the DC/Maryland area and happen to see a red Town & Country, a grey VW Beetle or a teal VW Beetle, WATCH OUT! I'm only kidding my mom says I'm actually a very good driver, and she is not just saying this because she's my mom. She stopped holding on to the side of her seat awhile ago!

Now all I need is that yellow Mini!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

You gave me questions. Now you've got answers! Part 2b.

Now for the second part of Amylia's questions. I have to say I think I've been putting this one off. Diabetes questions sometimes baffle me. I'm not always thinking about diabetes, I just tend to deal with D related issues in the moment and move on. I think that's why sometimes I find it hard to understand what people are talking about when they want balance between diabetes and the rest of their lives or are overwhelmed by it all. I don't usually feel that way, so it's difficult to relate. So I've done my best to answer the questions Amylia asked....

What's your weakness when it comes to diabetes, and what's your strong point? Do you have a breaking point? When do you know if you've hit it? - Amylia

Food is my weakness, plain and simple. I don’t think this is uncommon for a person with diabetes. I have fallen into many traps. Reasoning with thoughts like “if it’s low carb, I can have a lot more,” or “it’s only this one time that I’ll be eating this outrageously carb filled meal, and hey that’s what insulin is for.” Also being a teenage girl who just happens to have Type 1 Diabetes, results in a strange relationship with food. I spent my entire 8th grade year and the beginning of 9th grade eating just granola bars and vitamin water for breakfast and lunch eat day. Although I maintained one of the smallest sizes I have ever been, I would not recommend this type of eating to anyone in their right mind. You are probably thinking oh Jillian you’re only 16, the smallest size you’ve ever been?! Well it’s true, after about 2 years with diabetes, I started gaining a lot of weight from a combination of the diet the doctors had me on, increased insulin needs, and the type of insulin regimen I was on. Therefore I was always the more than chubby kid, and we all know what goes along with that. I’ll save the sob stories. So of course at age 12 to 13 all I wanted was to be thinner and prettier and whatever else I could come up with. Hence the granola thing and yes my parents were aware of my strange eating habits. But I already had strange eating habits and going on kicks of certain foods was normal for me. Plus the weight loss didn’t exactly make me radically thin. Now the problem is I need to add more nutritional aspects to my diet. I know what's right for me, about portion size, and calories. But let’s just say I’m not big on the veggies and such. So food, definitely food.

This one is too easy. My strong point is the numbers. I can calculate my insulin to carb ratios and correction factors with the blink of an eye. I also can see a problem in my basal rates by looking at 2 days worth of my numbers and without basal testing. I usually make the correct change on the first try. The numbers make sense. They give me piece of mind, I know how to work that system.

Breaking points….hmm. Well I can say that every time my doctor comments on how much insulin I am using, I am usually very close to telling him off. I’m taking a total of 20 less units of basal insulin than when I was on Levemir. To me that seems amazing, to him, “it’s an awful lot of insulin.” I know he means well, and he wants to encourage me to be more active and loose weight, but it still stings.

But my actual breaking point usually comes in the seat across from my doctor’s desk in his tiny cluttered office. It’s happened maybe 2 times since I’ve been his patient. The first was after returning to him after almost a year of just going to our family doctor because we had a lot of other issues to deal with. I came back with an Alc of 10.3%. The second, was the appointment just after that. He asked me to try Symlin at the previous appointment and I did. I came back 2 months later expecting a slightly better A1c. This time I had actually been working on my diet and managing my insulin better with the help of Symlin. No such luck, 10.5%. I cried in that chair and left the office in tears. When it doesn’t seem to work, no matter how hard I try, that’s when I break.

I’ve decided to surprise you with who’s next!

By the way this is officially my 100th post, it would be 101 but I deleted my actual first post somewhere along the way. Whoops, but it was embarrassingly horrible... Thanks for sticking with me, here's to many more!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

After this one, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

I think I might have the one of best friends ever. Yesterday after I sent my emails and Facebook event invites about the JDRF walk, my best friend Reshma called me. Not only does she want to participate, she made a team for her church youth group. I would have been happy with her just coming along for the walk, but this is seriously above and beyond. I’ve known her since 5th grade and she has always been there for me. She is definitely one of my few friends who I am completely open with about my diabetes. I’ve always said that she was the last person I ever introduced myself to, as a joke, but it’s really true. I knew from the day I met her in music class she was all I would need. I’ve got other great friends, but she is truly the best! Yay for amazing and supportive friends!

I'm off to Philadelphia tomorrow with my sister. She has decided to take this quarter off from law school for health reasons. All of the stress has caused her to feel overwhelmed and also has started to affect her lupus. It will be more beneficial for her take this time off than to keep pushing, which could possibly make her mentally and physically sick. So I’m going along for the ride, while she ties up a few loose ends. I might be able to post while I’m gone. If not I’ll be back with more answers and my 100th post on Wednesday.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

JDRF Walk Questions.

Well I know it's just under 5 months until my JDRF walk but I'm getting a little antsy. Before I send off an email to the coordinator, I figured I would bring my questions to the real experts.

1. Are they going to send out some sort of collection envelopes? I've done walks for other causes, and there has always been more than just the internet option for donations. So far all I have is a few emails and welcome letter.

2. Team T-shirts, are they a must? If so, any recommendations on sites to order from? I know of a few but any suggestions are welcome.

3. How long do these things usually last? I've made my team an event page on Facebook, you need an end time I just made one up.

4. I felt like I had way more questions, and now I'm drawing a blank.... I'm sure I'll have more soon.

Friday, January 11, 2008

You gave me questions. Now you've got answers! Part 2.

The story of what led me to home schooling is a very complicated one, but I think I need to start with it so the answers make sense. This ones a bit long and slightly tragic.

Let’s start with my 8th grade year. It’s safe to say that I always had a plan for what my high school years would look like. From the moment my sister began her 9th grade year at Roosevelt, I knew that it was the place I wanted to be. I wanted to make the memories that she had, have amazing friends, and success. I was about 7 at the time and what did I know?

So when 8th grade came along it was a no brainer that I would follow in her foot steps, and join my friends at the school that everyone wanted to be at. Seriously everyone, people use fake addresses to go to this school. I tested into the same rigorous science and technology program, with a higher score than many of my other classmates. The guidance counselors from my middle school and from the high school painted a beautiful picture of the next 4 years. I was sold and I couldn’t wait for 8th grade to over.

Then August rolled around. I went to orientation, and felt so small in this school built for 3,000. On that day I found out my schedule was wrong. I had a Spanish 1 class that had been my 3rd choice, after Latin 2 as a first choice and some other language. You see I’d been a Latin girl since 4th grade, and Spanish was just not going to work. So I came straight home and had my mom call the school.

It took 3 weeks for my class transfer to even take place. In that time I came down with a weird stomach illness, which we would find out later was anxiety. After scattered absences and the schedule debacle my Latin teacher thought it was in my best interest to become her student aide instead of trying to catch up almost a months worth of advanced Latin work. I wasn’t happy with it but I tried to soldier on. Only the stomach thing continued to be a problem. I spent weeks out of school curled up on the couch in pain, throwing up on the way to school, and being miserable. I’m sure the combination of the physical pain, how being in pain made me feel emotionally, the traumatic event that led to my father’s bipolar diagnosis, and hating my new school that went on within a period of 2-3 months led to the next part. But let’s just say I made a trip to the psychiatric wing of Children’s National Medical Center, for an attempted suicide. I didn’t want to go to school but I couldn’t explain a reason why.

Eventually I was put in the Home and Hospital Program, which assigned me with one tutor who quit after a day with me. This program allowed me to attend school with a new tutor in the morning for some subjects and make up work, while I did my afternoon classes on my own. The only thing was I didn’t need a “tutor” she was more of a baby sitter. This caused more harm than it was worth, as I started getting anxious about meeting with her. I even had a teacher who failed me because I told her I was going to be back in school for good, but the anxiety did not allow this to be true. (The class was Crafts, and anyone who knows me knows I should have had an A. I even worked with the tutor on make up projects.) I finished the year with the anxiety related stomach thing still there, grades I was less than proud of, and I was seeing a therapist. The plan was to return for my sophomore year as a clean slate, starting the Latin thing again and working as the stellar student I knew I could be.

I continued to see this insane therapist guy who asked me if I did street drugs all the time, through out the summer. I kept telling him that, “no I did not do street drugs, because the problem was I didn’t want to leave my house,” among other issues.

After a summer of relaxation and hanging out with my wonderful friends, I returned for round two. To make a long story short the cycle began again. I was unhappy with school, I didn’t want to be there, some days I would even make plans about just walking out, I stayed home some days, I felt out of place. All of these things didn’t really seem to have much reason behind them. I had a new therapist, I had good friends, a decent schedule, only home wasn’t great.

I went back on Home and Hospital this time outside of school and only for 6 hours a week because I couldn’t even handle more. I stalled and had panic attacks, I didn’t want to go. I would refuse to do work for the tutor, I hated her. She quit on me. I got another tutor and things started looking up, but then I realized I didn’t want to keep doing this. The school suggested an IEP and placing me at “special school”. I didn’t need a special school for kids with behavior issues. I didn’t have those, but that’s all they could offer. So my parents and I decided to discontinue the sessions with the tutor, I was in no place to attempt to do quality work. My parents proceeded with the IEP process until we could find a better option. There was talk of the GED, returning to my boundary school, repeating my sophomore year. None of these options were right, and we waited while the school worked on the whole IEP thing. In the meantime I started researching home school programs, against the advice of the school. I found one I liked, but could not enroll until I was not enrolled in public school. Summer came and the IEP process was at kind of a dead end. We made a plan to un-enroll when I turned 16 in September of 2007. So I started 2 online home school classes in July (2007) to see if this school was a fit. I liked it. So we waited and waited, until I turned 16. It turned out the school system had already un-enrolled me, but never informed us. I took on more classes in October, and am technically still a sophomore. So this is the story of how home schooling came into my life.

Now to the questions.

I'm curious about how you feel about home schooling? I know a number of families that home school their children, but I've never asked them personally about the experience. - Laura

I feel that home schooling was really the only option in my case. With all of the things that happened to me and my issues with anxiety, traditional school was not an option any longer. I needed to take the time to work with my therapist and find out how to deal with my life and a lot of family issues. I could never have done this in regular school. I also love that with this program I have freedom and flexibility. I do have to work on being more accountable for my work. I have more freedom of choice in my courses, whereas at my public high school I had to follow a specific curriculum based in science something I’m not all that fond of. It’s not traditional in the sense of my mother teaching me from a text book at our kitchen table. It’s all online; the teachers prepare “lesson viewers” which are basically more sophisticated power point presentations for every lesson, all the tests and assignments are submitted through Blackboard.com, some of the courses even offer the text books on CD.

I do have to say we considered a more traditional route for home schooling, and visited a friend would taught more than just her children in a classroom in her house. I didn’t like the idea of the Christian based curriculum, and while I know that many people do not use religious based studies, that was all she talked about. I like the idea that I can be here in the comfort of my home, do my work, go take pictures outside, eat when I need to, and take a day off if I’m sick all without so much pressure.

How do you think homeschooling has influenced your teen years? Do you miss traditional high school or is it a huge relief to be free of it all? - Amylia

Since I have only been doing this for a short time, I’m not sure it has influenced me in many ways. Though I can say the events leading to home schooling had a significant influence on the person I am today. I’ve learned a lot about myself through all of this.

The second part of that question is a toss up. I’m not sure that anyone would miss everything I went through in traditional high school. I don’t think my experience was typical, sometimes I wish I was 14 again and could do it over. I do however miss my friends a lot. I don’t see them very often, because they are technically a year ahead of me. They are preparing for college, taking AP courses, and working hard in a program that asks a lot from them. It is however a relief to not feel sick every morning because I don’t want to go to school. I’m much happier now, than I think I would have been at this stage if I had had the opportunity to continue with traditional school.

*Edit 1/12/08* I can't believe I wrote this entire thing without mentioning what all of this did to my diabetes management. While it's safe to say 2 years ago I was definitely not doing as much as I am now in terms of control. For me depression + anxiety + type 1 diabetes = high morning blood sugars when I was panicking about school, bad eating habits, and major blood sugar swings.

Next: Amylia's diabetes related questions, if you have any d-questions or topics to add feel free to leave a comment.

Thanks for all the participation, it's been fun!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

You gave me questions. Now you've got answers! Part 1.

How's the guitar thing coming along? - Albert

Do you like the slide guitar and can you play it?
What's your favorite and least favorite flavor of ice cream? - Kelly K.

Guitar you ask? Before I received my guitar for Christmas the only thing I knew about it was that it had 6 strings and I thought it was pretty. Okay maybe I knew more than that, but not much. It’s been less than a month and although I have not given up on it, it has taken a back seat. In my mind I thought in a few weeks I would sound like James Taylor. Not so much. My tiny hands got in the way of the book and video lessons I was using. I understood the concepts, but my hands were just not able to perform. I’ll just have to keep at it, and as a friend suggested maybe I should Google “miracle hand growing drugs”.

As for slide guitar, I had to Google that too. After I realized that I knew what it was and had seen a few people perform playing this way, I felt a little silly. The answer is: no, I can’t play but I do like it.

Now to the one everyone cares about. ICE CREAM!!!

My favorite flavor when available is Teaberry (I’ve said this before), seeing as I’ve only ever had that in my mom’s home town, I’m a simple mint chocolate chip gal. I don’t think there is really such thing as bad ice cream though. Although I’m not a huge fan of Coldstone, you may think I’m crazy. I just don’t like the fact that the plain ice cream there is so bland and lacking classic creamy goodness. I don’t think ice cream should be built upon. It should be good without all the added things. You should be able to know that without the chocolate chips and peanut butter chunks, that vanilla base would be able to stand on its own. Least favorite, anything with almonds because I’m allergic, also pistachio is gross.

Next: Home Schooling Q&A. From Amylia & Laura

Feel free to keep asking or suggesting topics. I like this!

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

By Request.

My sister would like me to write a new post. The only thing is, I have nothing to say. Diabetes wise my numbers are staying solid, and I'm relatively happy with all things diabetes. I have the most boring life ever. It consists of me waking up in the morning, eating breakfast, doing school work, watching tv while I eat lunch, returning to school work, and reading blogs/surfing the internet until dinner. I spend evenings reading, watching something on DVR, or harassing my friends on Facebook. I have very little to talk about so, here's where you come in. Do you have any burning questions you would like to ask me? Is there anything you want to hear my wise (yeah right) 16 year old opinion on? Throw me some topics, and maybe just maybe I'll have something new for you. Otherwise I'll just be bopping around commenting, and waiting for something to pop up in my dLife.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Image Meme.

Enough of that sad stuff from the last post, here's a little cheer up from one of the OC's finest Amylia.

1. Age at my next birthday:

2. A place I'd like to travel to:
3. A Favorite Place:

4. A Favorite Thing:
(The answer is paper crafts, although my mom is another one of my favorite things.)

5. A Favorite Food:
6. A Favorite Color:

7. A Favorite Flower:
8. The City You Live In:
(I have never seen this before, but apparently it's here)

9. Name of a Past Pet:

10. A Nickname You've Had:
11. College Major & 12. First Job:

13. A Hope for 2008:

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Count me in.

With the New Year I see a theme of, “hopefully this will be the year they find a cure,” and all I want to do is take it with a grain of salt and move on. I don’t know what I would do if there was a cure, and I can’t spend too much time thinking about it. To tell you the truth, I don’t really think it’s coming soon. Call me crazy, call me a fool. I don’t think this is pessimistic. I’m just not putting more than a few eggs in the cure basket.

For the most part having Type 1 Diabetes does not bother me. I check my blood sugar, count carbs, and bolus, just like I breathe. Lows don’t faze me or make me crumble. It’s all automatic. Sometimes I am even thankful for it. I know for a fact my diet would be out of control if I ate the way my other teenage friends eat. Diabetes makes me feel smart. I can figure out a dose faster than my pump, I have a lot more knowledge of nutrition and general health than the average teen. Plus I have so many amazing new people in my life because of it.

But then sometimes I get to thinking, and with this disease having too much time to think is never good.

I think of the phone call I got from a friend before my sister and I were heading to pick her up. While she was on the other end, my hip was bleeding from a botched site change. I just wanted to be sitting on my couch talking to her about the silly boys we hang out with. Not holding gauze to the bleeder, and wiping IV prep on my stomach, while she was completely unaware.

I think of Kerri, and the fact I don’t want my wedding dress to have a pump pocket, or for that pump to be my something blue.

I think of the night I spent bowling with friends. While they downed Cokes and heaps of pancakes, I had only a quarter of what was on my plate. Then as I went up to for my turn to bowl, my tubing got blocked and my pump started beeping. I finished my frame, and off I scurried to the bathroom to fix that, while everyone else continued to laugh and joke.

I think of my older great aunt who continues to try to give me sugar free everything, because she believes it is the best thing for a diabetic. She will announce this in front of an entire restaurant. Or my aunt who is even a nurse, and doesn’t understand why I have to check my blood sugar when I drive.

I think of this next summer. How will I wear my pump and swim every day? What will it look like on my bathing suit? I’ve given up the freedom to just jump in, for disconnect boluses and better control.

I think of how I’ve given my parts of my childhood away to diabetes.

I think of my sister, who calls me a soldier for leaving in infusion sets when I say they hurt a bit. She says she could never do this, but I have had no choice.

I think of myself in the future. What will it look like? Will my diabetes still be there? What will that mean when it comes to relationships? Marriage? Motherhood?

I think of the little faces who are yet to know this disease, and of those who already do.

I think of my mother and the mothers of those other children who are just like me. They choose to have these children to care for, love, and embrace them, not a horrible disease.

I think of my fears.

Thoughts like these.

Make me wish for a cure this year too.