Weekend Recap.

First, thank you for all the happy birthday wishes!

I had a wonderful time celebrating with my friends Friday evening. When my friend, Kelly, suggested celebrating a few weeks ago, I wasn't really up for it. But somewhere between the waitress who told me that seventeen is a great year and passing my birthday ice cream around the table, my mindset changed. It's no longer the fact that these things might be occurring for the last time. It's enjoying the moments and hoping that the memories will last forever. For once I feel as though things are just getting started instead of coming to a close. I can see my options now and I'm ready to start working towards a more positive future. I can only hope that the waitress was right and that seventeen will be a very good year.

(From my birthday dinner, I'm second from the right.)


Saturday, I celebrated with my best friend (again) for her big birthday dinner. I was able to see a lot of old friends, an added bonus to an already great evening.

Sunday came and passed with no mention of my anniversary. I thought about the fact that twelve years had passed for about three seconds then went on with my day. I just really prefer to silently acknowledge it and move on.

Today is my mom's birthday. Happy birthday, Mom! I know you're reading this, don't worry I won't share your age with the entire internet. I love you!

Double Dose

Growing up seems to be this weeks theme...


Today is my seventeenth birthday.

Sunday is my twelfth D-anniversary.

I was five years old when I was diagnosed with Diabetes. At that age words like forever don’t exactly factor into the equation. It was more about that day or that week, and the future was a cloudy picture that didn’t mean much. When I was younger I never thought about the fact that I would get to my seventeenth birthday with Diabetes in tow. It’s not as though I thought I wouldn’t have Diabetes by seventeen, it’s just that the idea never really crossed my mind. But in the past few years as that cloudy future seemed to be inching closer, Diabetes became a part of that bigger picture too. I started to ponder what Diabetes would mean in my relationships, a career, and just everyday life. All of this is a part of growing up. My future isn’t set in stone, but now I can clearly see that Diabetes will play a role. Birthdays and anniversaries are life’s mile markers, and it’s bittersweet that two of mine fall so close to each other. With each birthday I am a step further into my future and whatever that may bring, but a part of me also pauses to remember that each birthday in the future will involve this disease. Tonight I will celebrate with friends laughing, smiling, enjoying. Sunday will come as a reminder of my trying years with diabetes and as a little spark of hope that maybe, just maybe one day my birthday won’t be a reminder of my Diabetes.

P.S. As I finished writing this, the Jonas Brothers', "A Little Bit Longer" started playing on my iTunes...

P.P.S. For the record that is the only Jonas Brothers song I have on iTunes.

I just don't know, yet.

My best friend turned seventeen today. I made her seventeen cupcakes and gave her a ticket to a concert we will both attend next weekend. I drove her to school with Stevie Wonder's "Happy Birthday" blaring from the speakers. We even took silly pictures at stop lights. Before she got out of the car she thanked me and said, "I thought today would be like any other day, but thanks to you I know it won't." Moments like this have been stirring a lot of emotion lately. If it were possible to have a teenage midlife crisis, that's what I'd call this. I feel trapped. Everything seems final and scary. This might be the last birthday I celebrate with her for sometime. By this time next year she'll be off to college and who knows what I'll be doing. Thinking about plans for the future leaves me overwhelmed and anxious. I don't know that I'm ready for any of this. I know I need to stop watching the days drift by and take charge, that my future is only as bright as I make it. I'm turning seventeen on Friday. I'll celebrate, but I fear that it will be tainted by what I'm feeling. The future should not seem like a burden. I need to flip my thinking, make the most of what I have. I just wish it didn't seem as though any choice I make today or in the near future will shape my entire life. I just want to feel that not knowing right now is an okay thing.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I just needed to put it out there.

I sincerely apologize for the melodramatic teenage me, me, me-ness of this post.

You gave me questions. Now you've got answers! Part 3.

Today's question comes from the lovely and kind Miss Collen.

What do you think you want to do as an adult?

Now that is truly the million dollar question. I’ve been trying to put more and more thought into my future lately. Since I’m still trying to catch up to my former classmates and friends, it’s hard to say if I will actually be a freshman in college when they will. It is my ultimate goal to go to college in 2009, like I should had everything stayed on track. I have some friends who know exactly what they want in potential colleges, careers, and adult life. Me on the other hand, I have no clue. I know I need to go to college. Where that college is or what I’ll study there, I can’t tell you. I can however tell you that I know at some point I would like to get married and have children, but who knows if that will happen. I also know I want a career, and not to just be someone’s wife or mother. (SAHM’s don’t shoot me, I know what you do is a job and I think you are amazing, but I also know that it wouldn’t be right for me.) What that career is, I don’t have an answer here either. The thing is, I’ve found that I have a lack of ambition and direction. I know that people say I am good at certain things, but I don’t feel that way or feel much passion for anything in those fields. I’m not one of those people who have known from a young age that being a writer or a doctor is exactly what they were made for. I might be one of those people who figures out what they want after dabbling in a zillion different things. For now I’m just not sure. Sorry I don't have a more interesting or direct answer. If I figure it out I'll definitely write about it.

PS. It's snowing here today and sticking!!
Finnegan & I are very happy about this!!!