Friday, July 30, 2010

Moving on up.

I finally got my new blog added to the Diabetes Daily Headlines! I know the delay was due to their recent site update. I'm thankful they finally got around to adding silly old me.
I guess this means there is no reason for me to use this blog to point readers to the new one. So, come visit me at All Ways Jillian. I've got two newish posts up. If you're reading this I hope that you'll take a minute to pop over to the new place and say hello from time to time. Thanks for everything.

- Jillian

Friday, July 16, 2010

Because these things will change. Can you feel it now?

It’s been a week. Whoops. I’ve been busy, but not really. Mostly I’ve just been relaxing. It’s nice to have a little free time. I’m not exactly a people person, so having a lot of alone time this past week has been great. I’m a little bored however, so I know should find a way to spend the rest of my summer. Maybe volunteer work? Who knows. I’ve got big news in the Diabetes department…read more here.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

Prepare for the pity party.

I’m in a weird place. I want so badly to be happy, but somehow I’m not. I know why I feel this way, for the most part, but I can’t figure out how to get out of this slump.

I pushed myself through this past school year. Some days were struggles, and others were completely easy. I think I’m just crashing down from it all. Things are changing except they aren’t. I feel like I’m standing on a city street while the world passes me by. I think I relied too much on school as an anchor. Without it, I feel like I am doing nothing.

More here...

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Someday I’ll be so damn much more

Picking up where I left off…

On Saturday, June 26 I quit my first job. It wasn’t a difficult decision. Honestly the thought had been brewing in my mind since my first day. There were too many signs that it wasn’t the job for me. I worked my last shift (12 flippin’ hours) and came in the next day to quit. I had hoped it would be a more, I don’t know… intimate experience? Well no. I walked in asked the manager if I could speak to her, she walked 2 steps from the register asked what I needed and when I told her all she had to say was, “well good luck”. Then she proceeded to grab the server schedule and scratched my name out. I walked out feeling, a little deflated but better off. While I admit I probably should have given 2 weeks notice, I knew that I wouldn’t last another two weeks there. I was honest, but I didn’t bash her management style. I was gracious and thanked her for the opportunity. I don’t feel bad about it; I just wish it had gone a little differently. Thankfully karma, fate, or whatever must be on my side because the day I made the decision to quit was also the day I got some of the best news I’ve ever gotten.

Read more here. (This was supposed to be my last post here, but still I'm trying to get a little more consistent with posting on my new blog. Until I'm in the groove I'll be cross posting the occasional entry.)

Friday, June 25, 2010

Back down, cash out, that's the city for ya.

I flew solo as a waitress this past weekend. Unfortunately, I started my first day with drama. I ripped my pump site out as I was running out the door. I would have been on time, but the snag made me 5 minutes late. I was greeted at the restaurant with an “I don’t care ‘sweetie’ 8:45 is 8:45”. Talk about starting out on the wrong foot in so many ways. I was angry because I explained the reasoning and the manager was still unreasonable. I felt so angry. I went to the restroom to take a deep breath and to stop myself from crying. I felt so violated.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

A working class hero is something to be

So. I’m still dealing with terrible anxiety related issues. Mostly involving my GI tract acting a fool. I’m worried, because this is the same way I felt right before I left traditional high school. The only thing that’s giving me hope is that I have been able to push through it. I’m still getting up to go to my summer class 4 days a week, and I started my job this past weekend.

About my job... I’m a waitress. So far it’s just been training. Saturday, I kind of followed another girl around while she did her thing. Sunday, I worked with this guy and literally helped him make it through the day. I even overheard the manager say that I was good, just like she expected. But here’s the thing, I had so much trouble managing my Diabetes while running around the restaurant. I’m afraid that if it’s this way when I’m only training, it will be 10 times worse when I’m on my own.


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I think that keeping this up could be dangerous

I know that there are people out there who don’t believe that anxiety or any other mental health issue is real, but they are. I know from personal experience. If I were to trace it back I’ve actually had some sort of anxiety since I was about 4 years old, and that’s just what I can remember. The thing about anxiety that makes it so difficult is that it takes everything from you in an instant or it lasts like a slow burn....READ MORE HERE

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I'm gonna make it mine

I finished my first year of college?

I finished my first year of college.

I finished my first year of college!

Exactly one week ago I walked out of my last final of the year. I did it. Me.

I think I’m still in shock that I survived the year. I didn’t just survive. I triumphed. I am my own success story. There have been moments even months in the past few years where I never thought I would type or utter those words.

Today, I turned in one of the worst essays I’ve ever written in my entire life. It was a part of an application to my school’s Honors Academy. I’m not sure what made it bad. I can’t put my finger on it. I think it had something to do with the 500 word limit.

Read more here...

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I'm not going! Well not quite yet.

So, I hope you didn't think that with the end of Diabetes Blog Week I would disappear back in to the real world. I've had little too much fun being back here with Diabetor and the DOC. So here's the deal. The next 5 posts I write (It could take a few weeks I'm busy with school still) will be partially posted on this blog with a link to read the rest over at my new blog. After five posts I'll be dropping the cross posting thing and sticking strictly to the new blog. Sound like a deal? I'm in the process of having the new blog added to the Diabetes Daily Headlines so you will be able to easily see when I post on the new blog, although my topics will not always be Diabetes related. Basically, I'm pulling an Allison on you by adding more topics to the mix, but I'm doing it on a whole new blog. I hope you'll continue to read :)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Dream a little dream - life after a cure...strange new world.

I don't see myself as a glass half full or half empty kind of person. I'm more in the "glass just has some friggin' liquid in it, move on" camp. So postulating about life without Type 1 Diabetes has never been high on my priority list. Of course, I've had those days where all I've want is to be "normal", but I really never get beyond that simple idea. I don't know what I would want from my "normal" diabetes-free life. Let me think about it.

Well, I would hope that this miracle cure would come sooner rather than later. I'm going on 14 years with this little sidekick, and somethings that feels like far too long. The bonuses of getting rid of diabetes would be enormous. Forget the health benefits for a second.
I wouldn't need a giant purse. I wouldn't have juice boxes in the back seat of my car prompting a new friend to jokingly ask if I, "Had a kid or something?" There wouldn't be test strips in every strange place imaginable (underwear drawer, anyone?) I would only have pruney fingers instead of creepy fingers after a long swim. My jeans' front pocket would be empty. I would be untethered, forever, instead of just for showers.
With all honestly, I think it would be hard to let it all go. Diabetes is woven into everything I do. I make my choices with Diabetes in mind. I see the world a certain way because of my life with Diabetes. It's a part of me, it's shaped me in a weird way. I haven't lost hope, but I've come to accept it.
The only thing that would really make me happy about living life without Diabetes would be the fact that I would have one less thing to worry about when I want to start a family some day. There are no guarantees in this life, but checking diabetes off the list of risk factors would be a dream come true.
I try not to focus on the things that scare me about living with this disease, because I'm trying to LIVE with it. I take each day as it comes, but for now I'm still planning for a future that includes Diabetes.

Maybe one day we will all be attending the first annual conference for "The Former Diabetes Online Community".

Saturday, May 15, 2010

DBW Day 6 - Diabetes Snapshots: Site Change Day

Today's topic coincides perfectly with my site change! I'm not one of those "let's see how long this site will last" or "oh i'm pushing day 7 on this site" people. My site comes out every three days like clock work, and sometimes every two days. I don't know about you but, my sites just start begging to be changed as I'm approaching that 72 hour mark.

New Infusion set & IV Prep:

IV Prep on the site. Right Hip.

New set unwrapped.

Pop it in:

Connected to 2 sites at once (excuse the messy sink/mirror):

New cartridge and tubing:


Load cartridge:

Prime tubing:
Fill Cannula:

Put the pump back in its home aka my pocket:

I encourage you to pop over to the inspiration for this topic: Diabetes 365

Friday, May 14, 2010

Let's get moving...DBW Day 5

This one's going to be short.
I hate exercise. It's not my thing. There is a running joke in my family about me quitting t-ball after the first practice. So if that is any indication of my athletic ability, you know where this is going. I wish I was one of those disciplined, every day-worky-outy people. Instead I'm more of an every once in a while I try some random thing and give up type. I've realized I just get so bored. I like built in exercise not scheduled exercise. I've lost 10 pounds since December by cutting back on calories and walking around campus during my free time. It's simple, I don't need workout gear and I'm technically just going to class the long way. My friend always makes fun of me for how fast I walk, but I'm just tricking my brain into some exercise. I've got a heavy backpack and 20 minutes to walk around and that equals a mini workout. I'm convinced that if I lived in a city, where walking was the most convenient thing to do I'd be much more fit! Now we'll just have to see what happens when summer comes around.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I'm all about support and carbs! or DBW Day 3&4

Sorry I missed yesterday. I was coming off a 72 hour final paper writing session, and all I wanted to do was sleep when I got home from class. Yesterday was all about support. Here's my two cents:

I have a love hate relationship with support in all arenas of my life. Seriously. It's bad. I'm the first one to help any of my friends in times of trouble, but don't ever expect me to ask a single one of them for a thing. Some people are just givers. My parents think I'm a pushover. I disagree. Anyway, I'll get to my point.
My biggest D supporters are my mom, sister, and the D-OC. In the beginning my mom was the only person I allowed to give me shots or participate in the management of my diabetes. She did what she could given the circumstances often going above and beyond, she kept me alive. I'll always be grateful for what she's done for me over the years. Never pushing too hard, always letting me have my say even if I was probably wrong. Letting me lean on her for as long as I needed to. Sometimes I still look to her as a guide. We have gone from my complete dependence on her, to her saying things like; "You know what is best, I trust you'll make the right decision." Then, a few years ago I stumbled upon a blog. I can't remember whose it was, but I know what I was looking for. I was thinking about going on a pump. I wanted more information, from real people. I felt like I was reading about old friends, with stories just like mine. So I did what any logical person would do...joined in! It was one of the greatest decisions I've ever made for my diabetes management. I credit the D-OC with so much of my success. I never knew that a simple google search would lead me to a community of people who care from miles and miles away.


Okay. To put it simply. I eat carbs. I do what I can to cut them out, but I'm not one of those "OMG this massive amount of insulin is going to kill me AHHH the carbs" kind of people. I eat what I want, to a certain extent. I always drink diet drinks, but I rarely eat anything labeled "sugar free". I don't like straight bread & butter, but I'm not opposed to sandwiches. I like ice cream, but I don't eat it often. I like chocolate, and I eat it more than I probably "should". I hate vegetables. I don't even like fruit. I have a very limited diet. I've got issues with food texture. I occasionally read labels, but I've got carb counts memorized for my staple foods. I eat pizza. I like Chinese food. I really don't know what I would eat if I tried to eliminate carbs. It works for me. "Let me eat carbs! And Cake! And wash it all down with Diet Coke!" I'm all about whatever works. So don't hesitate to invite me over to your house for a low carb dinner. I won't even expect you to supply the Diet Coke, I always bring my own!

Off to write another 5 page paper! Maybe I'll see you tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Making the low go...up and away.

Day two is going be a quick one. It's been a long day. My low treatment of choice is the classic, the tried and true: juicy juice 4 oz juice box! Or little Swedish fish snack packs. One of my most unusual low cravings is pretzels soaked in orange juice. Sounds so gross, but it is so delicious at 2 am when your blood sugar is 48. The other day I really wanted Chipotle when my blood sugar was low, the cravings are unpredictable.

Monday, May 10, 2010

A Day In The Life...The Routine Sounds.

You know the sounds, the ones you have become deaf to. The familiar movements, you could do them with your eyes closed, in the dark, one hand tied behind your back. The steps for a blood sugar test. I've done this 11 times in the past 24 hours.

5:06 PM Zip. Pop. Shake. Snap. Slide. Beep. Pull. Click. Squeeze. Beep. Count. Beep. 164.
6:38 PM Zip. Pop. Shake. Snap. Slide. Beep. Pull. Click. Squeeze. Beep. Count. Beep. 157.
8:57 PM Zip. Pop. Shake. Snap. Slide. Beep. Pull. Click. Squeeze. Beep. Count. Beep. 92.
11:50 PM Zip. Pop. Shake. Snap. Slide. Beep. Pull. Click. Squeeze. Beep. Count. Beep. 104.
6:21 AM Zip. Pop. Shake. Snap. Slide. Beep. Pull. Click. Squeeze. Beep. Count. Beep. 205.
7:29 AM Zip. Pop. Shake. Snap. Slide. Beep. Pull. Click. Squeeze. Beep. Count. Beep. 139.
8:20 AM Zip. Pop. Shake. Snap. Slide. Beep. Pull. Click. Squeeze. Beep. Count. Beep. 83.
9:52 AM Zip. Pop. Shake. Snap. Slide. Beep. Pull. Click. Squeeze. Beep. Count. Beep. 118.
11:30 AM Zip. Pop. Shake. Snap. Slide. Beep. Pull. Click. Squeeze. Beep. Count. Beep. 234.
3:16 PM Zip. Pop. Shake. Snap. Slide. Beep. Pull. Click. Squeeze. Beep. Count. Beep. 136
5:05 PM Zip. Pop. Shake. Snap. Slide. Beep. Pull. Click. Squeeze. Beep. Count. Beep. 218

Those are just the numbers. Here are the thoughts...

5PM - 9PM...I should change my site before I eat that Chinese food. Why is Chinese so delicious, but so annoying to deal with when it comes to blood sugar. I hope I don't take too much or too little insulin. I hate when my blood sugar fluctuations make me sleepy. Ugh I really need to get a dent into this 2,500 word essay. My blood sugar feels low, I think I'll drink some orange juice....
9PM -12AM...I hate school. This paper is a waste. I feel a little fuzzy. 104 Oh my blood sugar isn't low? Weird. I'll turn my pump down a bit anyway. I'm going to bed.
12AM -6AM... Toss and turn...blood sugar is probably on the rise from turning my pump down. 5 more minutes of sleep. 205 Damn. I knew it. Why do I always do this?! Correct!!
6AM-10AM... Ugh I don't want to get up. I have an orthodontist appointment at 8:30. Gotta get to class by 10. I'm not hungry...Oh wait 83? I'll have a juice and turn my pump off. I can't deal with a low while I'm at the doctors or while I'm driving.
11AM-3PM... Ugh shouldn't have turned my pump down. Why am I so afraid to go low? Correct!!! Oh my friends want to go get lunch! I'll drive. Hmm my blood sugar feels low. Lemonade instead of Diet Coke. Bolus for half the food. Drive back to school. Back to class. Yeah I didn't check my blood sugar...well it worked out. Next time I have to check it before I eat!
3PM-5PM... Yumm. Chinese leftovers...Pretzels! I'm hungry today. Insulin cartridge is low...what a surprise. 218...hopefully that will be down by dinner.

Each day is different, and that's one of the hardest things about living with Diabetes. I can do it all over again tomorrow, and it will never be the same. One thing is always constant, the sound... 6:07 PM Zip. Pop. Shake. Snap. Slide. Beep. Pull. Click. Squeeze. Beep. Count. Beep. 244.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

So you're still reading!

It was great to "hear" from some of you after my last post. You are all so kind. I can't say it enough. I love the D-OC!
Thankfully Karen has come up with a timely idea that will get me back to blogging. I'm in! How about you? The first topic is great because a friend recently asked me to explain what goes into a day with Diabetes. Killing two birds with one stone as they say.

Also! Creating a resume sucks. I'm applying for a scholarship and I've realized that I have done absolutely NO volunteer activities since 2008. I feel like I need to go out and serve soup, build a house, and walk dogs before the June 1 deadline. Ahhh! See you Monday!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Is this thing on?

Hey! If you're still out there reading, thanks! I'll be honest I love the days when I get a little Blogger email in my inbox telling me that I've received a comment on an old post. Honestly the D-OC means so much to me. You all gave me something I never had, a support group. One made of people who didn't need me to explain the intricacies of living with T1 Diabetes, but knew them because they were living this way too. I LOVE YOU! This community is a seriously a virtual home for me. Even if my real life friends and family still kind of think it's weird that I've actually met some of my internet friends in real life. Basically, I miss you! I know I want to start writing again, but where and about what is still to be determined. I've been playing with the idea of putting excerpts of posts on this site and then directing you to the new place to read the rest. I've never stopped reading your blogs (yay Kerri! yay Suzanne!), but I wasn't commenting. I've made it a personal resolution to at least be active in the community in that way until I decide how to return to the blogging side of things.

So here's what I've been up to:
-Community College: Year 1 is almost over!
-I'm applying for summer out working world!
-I feel like I'm getting old :(
-I'm happy.

Be back soon!

Monday, March 1, 2010

2 out of 3 ain't bad.

So I thought some of you would enjoy this little story:

I'm taking a class this semester called "Writing About Issues and Ideas" and the professor loves to send emails. Like seriously everyday after class we get an email. It's nice, but somewhat annoying. Anyway the emails are usually just tying up lose ends from class, but sometimes if you actually read them and respond you can get extra credit points.
The latest one was:
Which of the following statements is NOT an arguable factual claim:

1. People who are obese run a heightened risk for diabetes.
2. In the long run, dieting may be more harmful than moderate

Supposedly the answer is 1.

Long story short I never responded because I was too lazy plus she sent it to us over a weekend. I had better things to do than worry about 3 silly points. We get to class Tuesday and she decides to review the answer. For some reason it catches my attention that even if statement is not arguable in her opinion, to me it is. So I raise my hand and ask her to read number 1 again. I then flat out say that she's she's wrong because her statement is a sweeping generalization. I tell her that by saying simply "diabetes" it makes it arguable, because I have Type 1 Diabetes and that has nothing to do with weight it's auto-immune. She admits that she is wrong and tells me to see her after class. Guess who got 2 extra credit points? ME! I'm not usually the most vocal when it comes to addressing Diabetes misconceptions in real life. I get flustered. I get frustrated. I feel like it's too hard to change the preconceived notions everyone has about Diabetes. But I did it, and it paid off. It should be noted that the book for this class is called "Everything's an Argument", maybe that's where I got the courage to speak up.

Also in the school realm, I'm taking a black and white film photography class this semester. The professor said that if you happen to have a cut on your hand and you touch the stop bath solution the cut will magically disappear in 2 days. Today I dipped all my over pricked fingers in just to experiment. If it works I'll let you know.

On a totally different note. Since I switched to Animas I have somewhere between 2 -4 boxes of unused Cozmo pump cartridges. If you or someone you know could benefit from free supplies, please let me know so I can get them to someone who needs them. My email address is available in my profile.

Happy Monday!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

(Almost) One year away.

Whoa. It's been almost a year since I've written here. The adventure at the new place hasn't gone so well. I've missed writing and the feedback, but I just haven't had the time. If anyone is stilling reading this. A little update:

I started community college...let me tell you it is NOTHING like the show on NBC. It's good to be back in the classroom. I've kind of settled into the routine, and it's not terrible. I even got into the honors program. Still undeclared major. HELP!
I turned 18 in September. Got a new car! Bye bye buggie :(
My sister moved back home :)
I got a new pump, the Animas Ping! It's pink. I still miss my Cozmo.
The Endo and I are talking CGMS. I'm skeptical, he's progressive. We'll see what happens at my next appointment in March.

Don't worry D-peeps, I've been keeping up with you. How awesome is it that Kerri and Chris are having a baby? I'm so excited for them. And from everything else that I'm reading it seems that most of you are doing well.

Also Oprah's having a show tomorrow about Diabetes....I wonder if it will be informative or just more BS (and not the blood sugar kind) about how sugar and fat is going to kill us all because (Type 2) Diabetes is on the rise!

Anywho. I guess I'll see ya when I see ya! Happy belated new year!