My trip to the hospital.

Well I thought this weekend would be a good one, but it did not turn out that way at all.

Friday was a beautiful day I spent the afternoon with my sister, who was home for the weekend, and as a family we awaited the arrival of my aunt, uncle, and three little cousins.
Saturday arrived filled with plans. My aunt and uncle were in town to attend a birthday party, and we had the task of entertaining the kids while they were out, we decided to take them bowling. My aunt and uncle left for the party around 1 pm, and that is when all the chaos started. My littlest cousin Riley (1) was having trouble going down for her nap, and her brothers were going crazy in our family room. Around 3pm I made my first mad dash to the bathroom, just as Riley started wailing from her crib. As soon as I finished up I went in to check on her. She hadn't been sleeping for much more than an hour, so I tried to get her to lay back down. It didn't work. I wasn't feeling well and I had to ask my mom to come help me. She took over and I went to lay down. We decided to attempt taking the kids bowling, even though Riley hadn't had a full nap. So my mom got the kids in their coats and shoes, while I went to the bathroom again. By the time she had all the kids in the van, I came to window of the van and told her I couldn't go. I felt terrible, and all I wanted to do was sleep. So I stayed home to wait for my sister to come home from a doctor's appointment, in the hopes that by that time I would be feeling better and we could meet my mom at the bowling alley. No such luck. I only continued to feel worse, so I tried calling my mom and sister to get some help. No one answered. At this point my blood sugars had been running low never reaching over 80, even with a 50% temp basal rate. My dad was around, but he wasn't of much help. He ended up leaving to go somewhere while I laid on the couch feeling like utter crap. When my sister finally arrived around 5pm I had already been to the bathroom several more times, and yelling at her for not picking up her phone made me vomit (literally). She helped clean me up and soon my mom and the kids arrived home. My mom had me move from the couch to her bedroom. I spent the rest of the night running the bathroom (things were coming out of both ends if you catch my drift). By 7pm my blood sugars started to climb into the high 100's and I had small ketones. By 9pm my blood sugars were still in the high 100's, I was still vomiting, and I had large ketones. The whole evening I kept telling my mom, "I'm not going to the hospital," but when we saw that dark purple square we knew we had to call my doctor's emergency number. When he returned our call about 15 minutes later, he said he thought it would be best if I went to the hospital for an IV since I couldn't keep anything down and because of the ketones. He thought it would be best if I went to the hospital he works out of in Baltimore, even though he wouldn't be there because he could call ahead so I could be seen quickly. I wasn't happy about going, but I knew it was best. So my mom, sister, and I got in the van. Trash can, water, and blankets in hand for the 30 minute trip. I made it about half way and then vomited again. We were seen within a few minutes of arriving. I had to give a urine sample, which showed +1 ketones, and I had blood work done. After the blood work I thought I was going to pass out so I was allowed some ice chips. I spent the next 2 hours on an IV to rehydrate. By 1am we were on our way back home. I still don't feel great. I've spent the entire day in my parents room sleeping and eating jell-o, but I feel much better than I did yesterday. The ER doctor said that she was glad I came in before things got out of hand. So I suppose if this ever happens again I'll have overcome my hatred of all things medical and go to the hospital early. The last time I went to the hospital for something like this I was 7 years old, so I'd be very happy if it didn't happen again for another 9 years! Buy hey, at least I didn't have to stay over night.

I'm still kind of delirious so if some of the story doesn't make sense, I apologize.

Beautiful Day!

It's almost 70 degrees here today! This gorgeous day is just what I needed. I thought I would share a few pictures to wish you well for the weekend, especially for those of you in the snowy Northeast.

(Click to see larger versions.)



My sister walking the dogs.



Daffodils, a definite sign of spring!



A little bee resting in a hyacinth!

Happy Weekend All!

Stuck.

I'm in a rut.

I've been letting my glucose averages creep up on my meter.
I've forgotten to treat low blood sugars. Seriously it's possible.
I've had entire days slip by without doing an ounce of school work.
I've unsuccessfully tried to write blog posts about spending the past weekend with my silly cousins and my first ever scary overnight low.
I've been thinking about how bleak my future looks because of my lack of ambition.

I! I! I! Me! Me! Me!
I need to stop whining and wallowing. I need to start doing, if only it were that easy for me.
I'm stuck and I can't figure out how to un-stick myself.

6 Words.

So Araby62 tagged me for the 6 Word Memoir Meme. Which is funny because Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure has been a book I've had my eye on for awhile.

Anyway the rules:

1) Write your own six word memoir; 2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like; 3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere; 4) Tag at least five more blogs with links; and 5) Don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

Complicated journey, destination to be determined.

I tag Colleen, Seonaid, Shannon, Naomi, and Allison.

They like me, they really like me!

Have you been over to the Diabetes 365 pool lately? I'm on day 157. The picture at the bottom of this post is day 150. I'm not sure why, but it's been chosen as a favorite by 9 members of flickr. I was also invited to add it to a group called "That's Bostin"(no idea what it means), but there are a lot of amazing pictures in that pool as well. I just thought I should share it here too.



Having Type 1 Diabetes can make a person feel different. It's not so easy to blend in when you need to test, take shots, or wear an insulin pump. Your life can revolve around food, numbers, and the idea of looming complications.
Sometimes it's hard not to see myself as that lone tiny lavender colored crocus surrounded by the strong deep purple ones. But I can always turn that statement around. I can remember that although diabetes makes me a little different, I am still beautiful in my own way like that tiny flower.

There is no cure for Type 1 or Type 2 Diabetes.

Yet.

It's my blog, and I'll write what I want to.

So apparently I can write about whatever I please, and I know that I have in the past. I guess I just feel strange about constantly wanting to branch out. But I did aim for this blog to be about me, and the fact that I just happen to live my life with Type 1 Diabetes. So here I am breaking two of those unwritten blogging rules: 1) Do not go off topic & 2) Never post twice in one day.

Tonight I present another man/guy/boy from my imaginary list of lovers, which we all know is topped by the one and only Justin Randall Timberlake.

Maksim Chmerkovskiy from Dancing with the Stars, yes I'll admit I watch the show however crappy it may be. Anyway I tuned into ABC tonight for what I thought would be the beginning of another round of weekly Maksim fixes. You know a little hip shaking, top buttons undone, slicked back hair, Ukranian delightfulness. What did I find you may ask. NO MAKSIM! That's right, after his amazing season with Spice Girl Mel B, he's not on the show this season! I think I might die. I guess I'll just have to watch my Dancing with the Stars Cardio Workout tape which I bought purely because he is one of the instructors. De-pressing.
I realize that this post outs me as a shallow, man/guy/boy crazed teenage girl, and I'm okay with that.

I'll be crying myself to sleep tonight. Maksim how could you do this to me?!

Cornered.

When I started my blog, just under a year ago, I never realized that I would quickly begin to feel cornered as a “Diabetes Blogger”. This feeling sometimes causes me to think I’m breaking unwritten diabetes blogging rules when I dip into other aspects of my life. Although you probably know more about certain parts of my personal life than people I consider to be my friends (IRL), I can't help but feel that you don't know me at all. This blog gives me the opportunity to present the world with whatever pieces of me that I choose, but I feel like I'm not being myself. I rarely talk about diabetes in real life, it's just a small part of who I am. I need to allow my real self to be displayed, and I don't know if a diabetes blog is the way to go about doing that.
I constantly contemplate leaving this blog to start a more general one. I want to blog about more than being a 16 year old girl with Type 1 Diabetes. But at the same time I don’t want to leave behind the support that is so willingly extended without hesitation from one d-blogger to another. I still want to share my story, however simple it might be. I want to give those “anonymous lurker moms” a little hope that their children will be able to make it through childhood and the teen years in spite of a Type 1 diagnosis. I need to find a way to be more than a girl with diabetes, because I really am a lot more than that.

I'm just feeling conflicted, and I wouldn't be surprised if I decide to run off to blog about politics, pop culture, being biracial, or my shoe collection someday.

Suggestions to resolving this problem are welcome, because I obviously can't figure it out.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Quick Update.

Today feels like Friday for some reason. I'm going with bullets for this one because I just don't have a lot time to waste.

• Yesterday I commenced OSS aka Operation Stop Slacking. I've set goals for my school work and a system to track my progress. It's weird because as much as my friends, parents, sister, therapist, and whoever else encouraged me to do my work, I knew it wouldn't happen until I got sick of the way things were. It happened Tuesday when I realized that not only would I not experience a proper graduation next May, I might not even "graduate" at all at the pace I'm going. So I thought to myself OSS begins tomorrow (yesterday)! Don't worry I'm only posting this as a quick break from my school work.
  
• Today my best friend is leaving on a trip to Greece for spring break with her AP World History class. I barely get to see her as it is, and now she's leaving for the entire break. It's alright though, she's been having a lot of family issues and I know this trip will do her good. Later this afternoon I'm heading to her house to bid her adieu!
  
• Tonight I'm heading to another close friends house for her 2 day 17th birthday celebration. The girls who were invited will be sleeping over tonight and the boys will join us tomorrow for her real birthday 3.14 (Pi day for the math nerds out there). This is her present.
• Oh and a thank you to everyone who eased my fears from my last post. I can be a bit irrational when I over think things, so thanks for helping me out. The information will definitely serve me well!

See you Monday!

It's official, I've lost my mind.

So this afternoon I was out in the garage harassing my dad while he was doing yard work. As I walked back into the house, he pointed to the tubing hanging from my pocket and said, "Jill, what are you going to do with that thing when you swim? I mean you can't wear it, right?" I stopped and thought about it. While Cozmo claims that the pump is waterproof I don't think that swimming with this thing is necessarily a smart idea. Disconnect boluses don't usually end well for me though. Plus I do not look forward to testing and reconnecting repeatedly just to go swimming. I mean I'm no Gary Hall Jr. so it's not like I'm running a race or anything like that, we just happen to have an inground pool in our back yard. Although summer is a few months off, I'm already worried about this whole thing. I've previously considered taking a pump break for the summer, just because I don't feel like dealing with the idea of pumping in the summer and all that entails (amusement park rides (supposedly you can't wear a pump on roller coasters), swimming, possibly the beach, heat, etc). But I could totally be over reacting, because that's what I usually do.
Now to the part where I've fallen off my rocker. About an hour ago I was talking to my mom and I said, "So would you think I was crazy if I wanted to put my pump in the bath tub?" She looked at me with that you must be joking face and replied with a yes. I then explained that I just wanted to test it's waterproof-ness. I haven't done it, but I am tempted to. So have I lost it? Fellow pumpers, what do you do in the summer?

Canceled.

Well the game was canceled, due to the down pour that I am now watching from my window. I'm happy though, because I really didn't want to stand around in the rain. Now I'm just going to have a boring Friday night unless my friends come up with another plan, which they won't because that's just how we operate. My sister is here for the weekend, but she's in a crabby mood because her Lupus is flaring up. So who knows what my weekend will bring. Hopefully something at least slightly fun.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Like the English.

Tomorrow I will be attending a rugby game.

I only know a few things about rugby.

1)They wear striped shirts.
2)It's muddy.
3)English and Australian people play it.
4) My friend Jordan will be lifted into the air by his shorts for some unknown purpose.

Things I don't know.

1)The point of the game.
2)If there is a goal/net.
3)Why I think spending 2 hours in the cold and rain is a good idea.

So I am writing this in hopes that you brilliant and worldly souls know something about this crazy game. What do I need to know to be a supportive and involved spectator? Basic rules? Comparisons to other normal sports...anything.

Always means forever.

I’m usually okay with the idea that there may never be a cure for Type 1 Diabetes. I’m okay with it today, I’ll be okay with it tomorrow, and probably next week too. The only time I’m not okay is when I say something like, “I left my kit downstairs, as if I don’t always need it.” After the words slipped from my mouth last night, I just stood there. Always means forever. Forever isn’t a word I’m comfortable with. What else in my life will last forever? Season will change, most everything else will come and go, but diabetes will probably always be there. My approach to living with this disease is to take each day as it comes. I can’t change the bad numbers of yesterday. I can only deal with today. Complications may come in the future, even with the best of control, and all I can is do is my best right now. Uncertainty is not something I like though. I guess I’ve never really thought about idea of what growing old with Diabetes will mean. I expect it to be there for my first date, my wedding, when I have a child, and many other milestone events. But until last night I never thought that meant forever. Today I’m just not okay with the reality of always having diabetes.

I've got nothing.

Well apparently my creative writing well has run dry. I've got no diabetes related stories, general life drama, or fun links to share. So excuse me while I take brief break to look for some writing inspiration. I think I really need to get out of the house more...then I'd have something else to say.
Until I return, I'll leave you with this photo from Diabetes 365.

Day 141 (3/3/08) The little things.



Today it's a warm 65 degrees, and I found this lone crocus in our backyard. It reminded me that sometimes when dealing with diabetes or any other chronic illness, you can get caught up. There are always thoughts of the overwhelming numbers, aiming for control, looming complications etc. Sometimes it's hard to appreciate small wonders.

There is no cure for Type 1 or Type 2 Diabetes.

Yet.