Thursday, March 6, 2008

Always means forever.

I’m usually okay with the idea that there may never be a cure for Type 1 Diabetes. I’m okay with it today, I’ll be okay with it tomorrow, and probably next week too. The only time I’m not okay is when I say something like, “I left my kit downstairs, as if I don’t always need it.” After the words slipped from my mouth last night, I just stood there. Always means forever. Forever isn’t a word I’m comfortable with. What else in my life will last forever? Season will change, most everything else will come and go, but diabetes will probably always be there. My approach to living with this disease is to take each day as it comes. I can’t change the bad numbers of yesterday. I can only deal with today. Complications may come in the future, even with the best of control, and all I can is do is my best right now. Uncertainty is not something I like though. I guess I’ve never really thought about idea of what growing old with Diabetes will mean. I expect it to be there for my first date, my wedding, when I have a child, and many other milestone events. But until last night I never thought that meant forever. Today I’m just not okay with the reality of always having diabetes.

5 comments:

Cara said...

Forever is a hard word for me at times too. And you're right, most days, it's okay living with diabetes. But when you sit down to think about it's permanence is when it becomes not fun.

Shannon said...

I totally feel you on this post. Your outlook is pretty much the same as mine even though we're coming from different places.

snd1590 said...

I hate thinking about forever.. I'm the same as you though, I know there's a possibility this will be forever, but I still like to hope that there will be a cure someday, cause it's hard to imagine still counting carbs and changing my pump site at 70.. I'm ok with having diabetes for the immediate future, but thinking about growing old with it scares me too.

talesofmy30s said...

*nods and agrees* (both of us in the house, that is.)

Donna said...

I don't think about it much. Diabetes has basically been my whole life. I hardly remember anything before it. I can't imagine life without it. But it would be nice...