I'm not going! Well not quite yet.

So, I hope you didn't think that with the end of Diabetes Blog Week I would disappear back in to the real world. I've had little too much fun being back here with Diabetor and the DOC. So here's the deal. The next 5 posts I write (It could take a few weeks I'm busy with school still) will be partially posted on this blog with a link to read the rest over at my new blog. After five posts I'll be dropping the cross posting thing and sticking strictly to the new blog. Sound like a deal? I'm in the process of having the new blog added to the Diabetes Daily Headlines so you will be able to easily see when I post on the new blog, although my topics will not always be Diabetes related. Basically, I'm pulling an Allison on you by adding more topics to the mix, but I'm doing it on a whole new blog. I hope you'll continue to read :)

So you're still reading!

It was great to "hear" from some of you after my last post. You are all so kind. I can't say it enough. I love the D-OC!
Thankfully Karen has come up with a timely idea that will get me back to blogging. I'm in! How about you? The first topic is great because a friend recently asked me to explain what goes into a day with Diabetes. Killing two birds with one stone as they say.

Also! Creating a resume sucks. I'm applying for a scholarship and I've realized that I have done absolutely NO volunteer activities since 2008. I feel like I need to go out and serve soup, build a house, and walk dogs before the June 1 deadline. Ahhh! See you Monday!

D-Blog Day!

So it's been a year since I wrote my first D-Blog Day post. Some things have changed, but my gratitude has not and once again I feel that thank you is appropriate. So thank you for the inspiring posts, uplifting comments, funny vlogs, and most of all the sense of not being alone with this disease. It's hard to express how much this community has impacted my life, but I'm incredibly proud to be a part of such a wonderful group of people. Here's to you D-Bloggers!

The numbers look excellent.

Or at least that's what my doctor thinks.

I had an endo appointment this morning, and everything seems to be looking good. A1c is holding steady at 6.9%. My meter averages look okay, although they could be a bit better. I've lost 3 pounds. I'm cutting back late night/early morning basal rates to avoid overnight lows and borderline wake up numbers like the pesky 78mg/dL that has greeted me almost every morning this week. I'm going to start using Symlin again at a lower dosage, but if it causes the same problems I'll stop. As we walked out of the office I thought to myself, "I'm pretty good at this whole diabetes thing." After the years of terrible doctors in the beginning of my life with Diabetes, I never thought that I would be able to achieve what I have. I have had 3 consecutive A1c's under 7%, and I usually walk out of my appointments with a smile. Although my management is solely my responsibility, I did not do this all on my own. The DOC has played a huge role in my ability to achieve what I have in the past year. Thank you so much!

My next appointment is in November, and I hope by then I'll be able to share an even better A1c report. I'm aiming to get closer to 6.5%, and with your help I know anything is possible.

PS.
I apologize for such scattered posting these past few months, I haven't had much to say. Although I have not been commenting, I have been reading a lot of DOC blogs. I hope everyone is well! I'll be back soon. Who knows, I might even jump on the vlog bandwagon just to switch things up...

Quilt For Life

Yesterday, I took my first solo trip into DC to view Quilt for Life and meet a few OC bloggers.
The quilts were beautiful. As I wandered through the display a few of the quilts even made me a little emotional. Seeing diagnosis dates and birthdays only a few years apart was difficult. Looking at the faces who had known this disease longer than I have wasn't easier either. We need a cure, pure and simple.
Towards the end of the display I spotted Allison. A few minutes later she walked over, with open arms to greet me. Then we found Kevin, his wife, and the twins (absolutely adorable) a few rows away. After a photo op in front of the Capital and a chat in the grass, Kevin had to get back to work so we all said goodbye and parted ways for lunch. Allison, Wendy, and I walked to a Ruby Tuesday's a few blocks away. We covered a variety of topics during the trek and lunch; crazy endos, my northern New Jersey culture shock, college, JDRF walks, if my was blog pink or purple and more. After lunch we walked to the nearest Metro stop where I had to help Allison and Wendy navigate purchasing fare cards. I found this extremely entertaining, because I rarely use Metro. After we made it through the gate we said our goodbyes, and I made my way home.
It was interesting to put real live faces, voices, and personalities to some of the blogs I read. Like that final missing puzzle piece. If you haven't met another blogger yet, I would recommend that you try to make that happen. It's definitely a worthwhile experience.

I'm sure Allison will have a post later with pictures, so be on the look out!

This blogging thing...

It's safe to say that my blogging has been infrequent. I apologize! I should have written about the trip I took to Kings Dominion without my insulin pump, but I didn't. I should have talked about the horrible day of blood sugars I had while attending Warped Tour a few weeks ago, but I let that one slide too. I could tell you about the beach road trip my friends want to plan, and the fact that I do not want to be the driver because of my Diabetes. But I've been having a lot of school related anxiety, so instead of addressing anything I've been avoiding most things including this blog. I'm on my way back out of it though, which means you'll be hearing from me again very soon. At the very least, I know I'll have something to say after Allison's DC meet up on the 4th.

One...

I’m a day early, but I’m going out of town for Mother’s Day so I have to post this today.

It's time for a blogiversary!

(I looked back and the first post you will see is dated May 11, 2007, but the real first post was May 10, 2007. It's safe to say the first post was completely terrible, at some point along the way I decided to delete it. Sorry! Don't bother reading this blog from the beginning. It's terrible, seriously I wish I could go back and rewrite it all. )

It’s been one year since I decided to share my story with the world. I came to you a scared 15 year old girl searching for something that I could not find in my everyday life. I needed support and reassurance. I needed to know it would be okay. That the years of terrible doctors, doing the best I could, and hiding my disease from the world could be turned around. What I found was something remarkable. A wonderful group of people, who took me in, taught me what I didn’t know, and extended help whenever I asked. I'll never be the poetic eloquent one, so I present...

One Year in Highlights (lots of links in no particular order):

I’ve seen my A1c drop from 10.5% to 8.2% with the help of online resources, asking questions, and actually talking to my doctor.

I turned Sweet 16.

I marked 11 years with Type 1.

I started Diabetes 365, and so far I am 208 days in.

I made the decision to switch to an insulin pump. I was no longer worried about the exterior marker of Diabetes, and I felt I finally had enough knowledge to handle the responsibility.

I learned to drive, and did the responsible thing by letting the MVA know I have Diabetes.

I had my first A1c under 7%, a lovely 6.8%.

I walked in my first JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes.

But enough about me…

I just need to say THANK YOU! I could never write anything to sum up how much each of you mean to me. I know I'll never feel alone with this disease again. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Withdrawal.

I'm hooked. On the Diabetes OC!

I spent the entire day away from my computer and I missed you guys! You see it's very unusual for me to miss reading everyone's blogs. My school program is web-based, so I'm always online and I happen to pop by Diabetes Daily frequently to check out the blogs. But I decided to take the day off and accompany my sister around town.

Unfortunately I'll be bowing out again for the weekend because I have a lot to do! Tomorrow I'm hosting a party for the members of my JDRF walk team to personalize their team t-shirts. I have to tidy up the house, finish the painting the team name on the front of the shirts, figure out food, and pray that it doesn't rain because I want to work on the shirts outside. Oh and did I mention my mom is out of town so she isn't here to help me out with any of this?! Oy responsibility! With the walk only a week away I'm trying to round up my straggling donors and figure out if I will be able to reach my goal. I'm also supposed to be meeting the wonderful Jill and Naomi at the walk, but because this is my first one I have no idea how exactly that will work out (suggestions are welcome). Anywho I'm just checking in to say happy Friday and have a good weekend!

Cornered.

When I started my blog, just under a year ago, I never realized that I would quickly begin to feel cornered as a “Diabetes Blogger”. This feeling sometimes causes me to think I’m breaking unwritten diabetes blogging rules when I dip into other aspects of my life. Although you probably know more about certain parts of my personal life than people I consider to be my friends (IRL), I can't help but feel that you don't know me at all. This blog gives me the opportunity to present the world with whatever pieces of me that I choose, but I feel like I'm not being myself. I rarely talk about diabetes in real life, it's just a small part of who I am. I need to allow my real self to be displayed, and I don't know if a diabetes blog is the way to go about doing that.
I constantly contemplate leaving this blog to start a more general one. I want to blog about more than being a 16 year old girl with Type 1 Diabetes. But at the same time I don’t want to leave behind the support that is so willingly extended without hesitation from one d-blogger to another. I still want to share my story, however simple it might be. I want to give those “anonymous lurker moms” a little hope that their children will be able to make it through childhood and the teen years in spite of a Type 1 diagnosis. I need to find a way to be more than a girl with diabetes, because I really am a lot more than that.

I'm just feeling conflicted, and I wouldn't be surprised if I decide to run off to blog about politics, pop culture, being biracial, or my shoe collection someday.

Suggestions to resolving this problem are welcome, because I obviously can't figure it out.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Saturday Sussy!

My sussy finally arrived! It was from my wonderful buddy over at Diabetes 365, Daena. She also has a blog, if you want to stop by and take a peak. Daena lives in Singapore, so that's why it took so long. It was definitely worth the wait though. She sent me a bunch of little goodies that I'm already enjoying. Note cards, stickers, sticky notes, Band-Aids to replace the Hello Kitty ones I use for site changes, mini clothes pins, and paper for the cards and other crafts that I make!





Here are a few pictures of the sussy I sent to Lauren (largar) from Diabetes 365.

I've really enjoyed this whole thing. It's been a great way to get to know the interests of members of the communtity and it's definitely brought us a little closer together. So a big thanks Beth & Amylia! Oh a heads up to participants, there is a great thank you coming from the lovely Sussy Circle ladies. I've already received mine and I LOVE it!
Enjoy what remains of your weekend!

The Final Round of Questions.

What would you put on a list of 50 things you'd like to do before you die? - Jeff

I’m not sure I have exactly a top 50. I’m not the most adventurous person so you won’t see climbing Mt. Everest or anything like that. But I can give you a glimpse, in no particular order of a few “goals” I have:

• I love Hawaii, the culture, the beaches, the people, everything! I went there when I was maybe 3 but the memories are vivid and I want to go back.
• I’m a wooden roller coaster fanatic. I’ve ridden a few that have graced top coaster lists, but I would love to make a trip to Cedar Point, Knott’s Berry Farm, and a few other parks to enjoy the “best” ones.
• I want to drive a car on the Autobahn. Preferably a manual Mellow Yellow Mini Cooper.
• Visit every US state.
• Visit the 5 continents I haven’t been to (I’m pretty sure you can’t hop on a plane to Antarctica and I live in North America, duh.) This may be a problem because I am not a huge fan of planes.
• Get married, if someone will have crazy little me.
• I would like to be a mother, in whatever way that comes to me.
• I’ve been thinking a little more about my future career. So owning my own business would be a goal, selling crafty bits of course. It’s the only thing I’ve ever really been happy doing.
• Becoming the proud owner of an D-SLR camera and learning more about photography as a whole.
• I want to write a book, just because. It doesn’t have to be published or anything. I’ve just realized that I like writing and telling stories, so I think it would be fun.
• This maybe stupid, but I would love to go to a taping of the Oprah Winfrey show. I trash talk her a lot around my house, but seriously there is something so incredible about her I have to see it in person.
• Purchase my own home. (This isn’t one of those typical 1001 things before I die items, but I think it’s very important.)
• I’d like to own a Newfoundland (as in the dog, I know it’s random.)
• There are probably a few other things, but I can't really think of anything else right now.
  

Why do you want to visit Boston? Is it to check out historical stuff about the US, or do you have friends/family there? Have you already been? – Naomi

I'll admit my initial reasons for wanting to go to Boston were very superficial. First of all, I love the accent. It’s also safe to say a few famous and gorgeous guys hail from the great city. Plus I hear the shopping is amazing! Add to that the strong history and sight seeing opportunities, it sounds like my idea of a perfect city to visit.

I’ve answered them all. So now it's back to our regularly scheduled programming. If you have more questions feel free to ask. I also encourage you to open your own blogs to questions. It’s fun to switch up the topics! Happy Monday!

Thinking Out Loud

Well no one said I couldn’t analyze some of the words you gave me. Some I've heard people use to describe me before, others are new to me. Don't feel obligated to comment in response to the word you left, I’m basically just sharing what I thought when I read them. By the way thanks for all of the comments, I really didn’t expect so many! You guys are wonderful!

Feisty! Really, I get this one all the time from friends and family. I’m just completely surprised that you were able to get this from my writing alone. Also it's something that takes a while to show in person. I'm usually reserved and observant, and then I warm up to the outrageous opinionated me.

Driven. I know I can be, but lately I’ve definitely been lacking this characteristic. Perhaps it will come back to me soon. I sure hope it does, apathy does not suit me or make my parents happy.

Inspiring (2). I will never understand this, what exactly do I inspire? I’m not really sure how it’s possible. I’m average, and I just do the best I can. I’ll take it none the less.

Mature (2). I am a grandma in a teenager’s body, complete with cardigan sweaters and craft hobbies. I’m pretty sure it has to do with the many things I’ve dealt with growing up (my anxiety, my father’s chronic depression and bipolar disorder, my sister’s lupus diagnosis, being a biracial kid, diabetes, being the “baby” etc). Also I have the most amazing mother who has always told me to share my opinions and feelings openly, which sometimes gets me in trouble.

Articulate. (from my sister) She hates how much I talk! Gee thanks!

Cool. Haha no I’m not. I’m one of the hugest dorks ever, but okay if you think so.

Uplifted. This one also makes me wonder. I definitely raised my eyebrow at it. Maybe just in what sense? I know it's obviously a compliment, I just can't wrap my mind around it.

Happy weekend all!

Thanksgiving...

Today is Thanksgiving. A day that I am sure most diabetics either loathe or just let go and eat, but let's not talk about that. I want to share what I did for my Thanksgiving.

This morning I woke up at 6 AM, earlier than I have woken up in a while. I showered, dressed, and got on with my plans. Double checked my purse for all of my D supplies, printed out the Secret Santa names and wish list, ate breakfast, changed my shoes 3 times, the usual holiday prep. Around 8 AM we hit the road, with my mom asking her signature "Does everyone have the essentials?" before we left the driveway. This is a question always directed at me, and I was ready with my kit in my bag and my pump at my hip. So we were off, and after an hour we were at a rest stop and I got behind the wheel. Before I even turned the key, I check my blood sugar. 95, a little lower than I would like to drive at, I ate 15 carbs and my leg of the journey began. This lasted for about 45 minutes, because even though I ate before driving as I drove through the country roads of Lancaster I felt hot and less focused.
(Amish Horse & Buggy)

I told my mom I needed to pull over as soon as possible, so thankfully within 5 minutes we found a gas station. I checked in at 67, there was a driver switch and Swedish fish for me. After I was back into range I turned on my boy band playlist and the whole family rocked out to my lover's former band.
When we arrived, we were greeted with open arms from cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. We watched 2 parades on TV with the horrible lip syncing, and then it was game time.
(Packers v. Lions, my sister is a huge Packers fan.)

At 1PM we sat down to dinner. Stuffing, mash potatoes, sweet potatoes, vegetable medley, maple sugar brussel sprouts, rolls and turkey is the only thing with no carbs!

After the tryptophan kicked in I plopped into a chair and cuddled up for a 2 hour nap. When I woke up, the wind was blowing outside and it was time for pie! After eating enough pie to feed a small country, it was almost time to go. My little cousin Cara and I began our Secret Santa rounds. I am training her to take over as manager of the wish list and making the little name tags to put in the basket.


Then we headed home, and arrived in time to have a nice dinner of last night's leftover roast beef.

I just want to say that this year, I am definitely most thankful for all of you and the support that you have given me on my road towards better control. Happy Thanksgiving to all my virtual blessings out there!

Email the Doctor & A Party!

Hat tip to Bernard. If you would like to email the misinforming Dr. Robert Rizza who I spotlighted in yesterday's post. Please feel free to send your feelings to him at rizzaDOTrobertATmayoDOTedu. Who knows, maybe if we all do this they will edit the horrible video or just take it down. Then there will be one less video to add to the world's confusion when it comes to the word Diabetes. I've decided that this will be my tactic from now on. Spot a diabetes error. Point it out to the blogosphere and I will be writing letters to the offenders. So feel free to join me if you ever have the time. What can it hurt? Nothing. What could it change? Everything.

Tonight, I will be celebrating my best friend's 17th birthday! It makes me feel really old. I know I am only 16 and I am complaining about getting old. Maybe the right word is SCARY. It feels like just yesterday we were carpooling to middle school. Now she can drive, and I am about to get my license. By this time next year we will probably both be thinking about where to go for college. It freaks me out. Oh and this will be the first party that Orin and I will attend wearing a dress. Let's just hope I don't have an experience like Kerri.

Lots o' Links

Tomorrow, November 14th, 2007 is World Diabetes Day.
If you haven't already done it, add a campaign banner to your blog or website.

Also go check out Diabetes Mine for more information about this survey.
So give your opinion and support diabetes technology.

If you haven't seen it yet, check out the TuDiabetes "Word In Your Hand" Video.
You might just see a few familiar hands and faces.


Find more videos like this on Tu Diabetes - A Community for People Touched by Diabetes


And finally, the 3rd Annual Diabetes O.C. Awards are upon us.
Now it is time for the nomination process.
For the link to vote check out Allison's lastest post.
Don't forget to drop her a comment to thank her for all of her hardwork!

Back tomorrow for the big day!

D-Blog Day!

Happy D-Blog Day!

I am not exactly sure where to go with this post. So I have decided to just say Thank You! To everyone who has supported me through all of my diabetes woes over the past few months. You have seen me through my dedicated work to lower my A1c, my quest to begin pumping, and now my successful transition to pumping. Your support and kind words have meant a lot. I came to this community looking for something, what that something was I am not really sure. Answers, support, understanding maybe? Whatever I was looking for I have definitely found it here. I find comfort in the written words of those who live this life everyday. A life that none of us chose, but we survive and even triumph. So here's to you D-Bloggers!

Horrible!

I realize that I am super horrible about returning comments and just leaving them in general. I am also really bad about reading blogs that are not on the Diabetes Daily Headlines. So. Feel free to harass me about comments, I'm serious. I really do need it, as the connection from comments is really a huge part of the O.C. So to anyone who has commented in probably the last 5-10 posts... SORRY!!! I feel really bad that you take your time to read what I have to say and I don't do anything to repay that. Oh and good luck to those of you who are starting one or both of NaBloPoMo & NaNoWriMo on Thursday. I considered NaBloPoMo, but I just don't think I could do either of them. I don't have enough in my life to write about, and I also don't think I am the best at writing about just anything. Well any who I'm getting excited about singing some off key "Superstition" with Stevie tonight. But shh, don't tell my parents. I have been playing the whole unexcited, you guys are old and crazy routine. Oh I will be taking my Diabetes 365 Picture at the concert.

Mark Your Calendars!

October 22, 2007 I will have my saline start. October 26, 2007 PUMPING INSULIN! That's right almost a month from now I will join the ranks of all you pumpy people out there in the OC. Unfortunately the date could not be sooner because of scheduling conflicts the soonest and only time available was the week of the 8th. That won't work out for us, but hey I would rather be at my celebrating my Pop-Pop's 80th birthday. Plus my mom and I decided that it was just not smart to start the pump and go out of town for a celebration. There would be too many things to worry about and why should we add pump drama to it? So Tuesday the newest edition to my diabetes team will arrive. Then I will have a couple of weeks to watch all the training videos and get acquainted.
Tomorrow I am attending my former school's homecoming dance. For some reason this always causes havoc with my numbers. I think its the nervous excitement of seeing people I haven't seen in a while, and the fact that my friends never seem to be on time. When the schedule is off, the numbers do not co-operate. I will just treat this with the birthdays and holidays diabetes rule, it just won't count.

Comments Galore!

So instead of going to every individual site and saying thank you to everyone multiple times for each comment, when I start slacking I will just have a post dedicated to thanking the devoted readers out there! So here goes....

THANK YOU!

Albert (twice)
Cara (thrice )
Shannon (twice)
Penny (thrice)
Donna
Christine-Megan
Chrissie
Scott (twice)
Travis
Allison
Jeff

Now to actually address some of them...
Yes, my mom is pretty amazing to put up with me on a daily basis, diabetes wise or just because I am a teenager. I'll tell her you guys said happy birthday. And she did read the post, Cara.
Penny, sorry I made you cry! To Shannon & Penny: Hopefully some day Riley & Brendon will be able to express what your love and care has meant to them.
Thanks to all for the Diaversary comments, I am no where near the perfect and always compliant diabetic, but I've made it this far. I also want everyone to know that I came to the OC at a time when I felt like giving up, but I have learned and grown so much, reading the posts and comments from all of you!
To Scott, Dr. Infamous is not getting anything from the companies. Trust me he hates the drug and pump reps more than most doctors, he refuses anything from them when they come except for an iced coffee. Even though I'm sure many of them would try to buy him way more.
And to everyone, I'm going with the Cozmo. After lengthy discussions, comparisons, website tours, talking to the reps. I can not let the fact that I like the look of one over the other, out weigh rhe medical advantages. I need the 300 unit cartridge, the pump is supposed to be a way to free yourself from some of the constant(ness) of diabetes. With the Animas, it would all become about timing and waiting for that one and a half day mark when my cartridge would run out. Potentially leading to more sleepless nights and more anxiety than I already experience. Mom faxed the papers in this morning so now we wait. Until then I'll be watching all the videos on the Cozmo site.

We're All In This Together!

Yes, the title does reference High School Musical.


For most of my childhood and adolescence with diabetes, I was always a hidden diabetic among other kids my age. I think it was the fact that I had no idea what diabetic meant when I was 5 and made the decision that I wasn’t going to share it with others. I remember going to the nurses office in kindergarten and 1st grade alone. I remember snack time in the corner of the back of the class in 2nd grade, I was “fruit roll-up girl”. When the other kids asked why I had a snack in the back, I just ignored them or said because my mom wanted me too. I was not into sharing it, it was something for behind closed doors, in the back of classrooms, and restaurant bathrooms. It took me over a year to tell my best friend (R) who I met in 5th grade. We talked on the phone everyday after school, sat next to each other in every class, and yet I could not share this thing that was a part of me. I was afraid. I wanted to be Jillian, best friend, funny, cool, and creative. Not Jillian the Diabetic. But guess what happened the first time she saw me test? She asked if she could do it too. The first time she saw me give myself a shot, she said, “If you ever need me to, I’ll stab you, okay?” We still joke about this comment. That reaction was all I needed to know it would be okay to tell. I even do shots in front of most of my friends, too. Before I told my mom I don’t do it because I don’t want to scare them. In truth I was the one who was scared. I have another friend (K) who says she likes to pretend I’m a druggie, because it makes me cool. (Yes, K is out of her mind) Who knew “shooting up” in the back of a station wagon so you can eat some ice cream was cool? So whenever I feel it is necessary I tell. I have another friend (D) who I told after being friends with her for 5 years. I know crazy. But I was scared, paralyzed by how different being diabetic made me. You know what she said, “Oh so that’s what the fruit roll-ups were about in 2nd grade.” It didn’t phase her. I can remember going to sleepovers when I was younger. My mom would call the other mom to talk about my diabetes and the fact that she would come over in the morning before breakfast to give me a shot. She would pull up outside, I would run out hop in get my shot and go back inside. When I returned, my lie was usually something like “I forgot to take this pill (for something or another).” I thank my mom so much for letting me keep it my business until I was ready, but making sure I was safe. I thank all of my friends for being supportive, and not living up to my worst fears of making me different or weird. And now I have the OC, who knew virtual strangers could make me feel less alone in this. It’s one thing to have people accept something that is a part of you, but it’s another to actually have people who are dealing with that same “something”.