Prepare for the pity party.
I’m in a weird place. I want so badly to be happy, but somehow I’m not. I know why I feel this way, for the most part, but I can’t figure out how to get out of this slump.
I pushed myself through this past school year. Some days were struggles, and others were completely easy. I think I’m just crashing down from it all. Things are changing except they aren’t. I feel like I’m standing on a city street while the world passes me by. I think I relied too much on school as an anchor. Without it, I feel like I am doing nothing.
Picking up where I left off…
On Saturday, June 26 I quit my first job. It wasn’t a difficult decision. Honestly the thought had been brewing in my mind since my first day. There were too many signs that it wasn’t the job for me. I worked my last shift (12 flippin’ hours) and came in the next day to quit. I had hoped it would be a more, I don’t know… intimate experience? Well no. I walked in asked the manager if I could speak to her, she walked 2 steps from the register asked what I needed and when I told her all she had to say was, “well good luck”. Then she proceeded to grab the server schedule and scratched my name out. I walked out feeling, a little deflated but better off. While I admit I probably should have given 2 weeks notice, I knew that I wouldn’t last another two weeks there. I was honest, but I didn’t bash her management style. I was gracious and thanked her for the opportunity. I don’t feel bad about it; I just wish it had gone a little differently. Thankfully karma, fate, or whatever must be on my side because the day I made the decision to quit was also the day I got some of the best news I’ve ever gotten.
Read more here. (This was supposed to be my last post here, but still I'm trying to get a little more consistent with posting on my new blog. Until I'm in the groove I'll be cross posting the occasional entry.)
I finished my first year of college?
I finished my first year of college.
I finished my first year of college!
Exactly one week ago I walked out of my last final of the year. I did it. Me.
I think I’m still in shock that I survived the year. I didn’t just survive. I triumphed. I am my own success story. There have been moments even months in the past few years where I never thought I would type or utter those words.
So it's been a year since I wrote my first D-Blog Day post. Some things have changed, but my gratitude has not and once again I feel that thank you is appropriate. So thank you for the inspiring posts, uplifting comments, funny vlogs, and most of all the sense of not being alone with this disease. It's hard to express how much this community has impacted my life, but I'm incredibly proud to be a part of such a wonderful group of people. Here's to you D-Bloggers!
It has been way too long! I wish I could say I’ve been off on crazy summer adventures, but I really haven’t. Of course I’ve been spending as much time with friends as possible, relaxing by the pool, and working on my tan, but I haven’t really been up to anything so spectacular that I couldn’t spare a few minutes to check in with the OC. I’ve mentioned before that diabetes as writing topic just gets a little boring at times, and I guess that’s why I haven’t felt the need to write here. Perhaps I need to share a little more me and little less “diabetor” to get the writing rolling again?
This summer has given me the opportunity to spend a lot of time with my friends. The majority of my friends live in a town about twenty five minutes away, but four of my closest friends live only five minutes from me so we’ve been trying to make the most of that. Usually just hanging out by my pool, watching TV, going to the park, or out to dinner, but it’s really more about the company. Since I am one of the few with a license and a car, I’ve taken the position as official driver to get all of us across town to see the rest of our friends. We hop in my bug, crank up the tunes, blast the a/c, and try make memories we hope will last forever.
Oh, oh guess who has braces now!? ME! I am probably the only person to ever be excited about braces, but I am. Okay, so it’s been a bit painful, and my OCD tendencies have now turned to obsessive multiple teeth brushings per day. But I know it will all be worth it in the end. Apparently they make me look younger, which is not good because I already have a “baby face” (at least that's what I've been told). I should probably mention I have to get a few teeth pulled because along with my baby face, I still have two baby teeth. Weird, right? Well they are still there because I don’t have any adult teeth underneath. Crazy!
I finished a class!!! I got a B! It was an honors Algebra II class, so I’m happy with that. I’m also on the verge of finishing another one. If I keep up this pace, I will definitely be applying to college for 2009, just like my friends! But then that leads to the next topic…
I am so freaked out about the idea of college. In the “I can not make this decision, stop asking me questions about my possible majors, no I don’t have a specific place in mind, ahhhh leave me alone” sort of way. One of my closest friends is struggling with this too. I can easily hold her hand telling her it will be okay, but I can’t do the same for myself. I think it’s because the idea of going to college was real until very recently. It’s hit me like a freight train, and I am still trying to recover from the impact.
Well I hope everyone is having an amazing summer! I’m off to learn some Spanish, you know so I can graduate on time and think about college...ew.I’m a day early, but I’m going out of town for Mother’s Day so I have to post this today.
It's time for a blogiversary!
(I looked back and the first post you will see is dated May 11, 2007, but the real first post was May 10, 2007. It's safe to say the first post was completely terrible, at some point along the way I decided to delete it. Sorry! Don't bother reading this blog from the beginning. It's terrible, seriously I wish I could go back and rewrite it all. )
It’s been one year since I decided to share my story with the world. I came to you a scared 15 year old girl searching for something that I could not find in my everyday life. I needed support and reassurance. I needed to know it would be okay. That the years of terrible doctors, doing the best I could, and hiding my disease from the world could be turned around. What I found was something remarkable. A wonderful group of people, who took me in, taught me what I didn’t know, and extended help whenever I asked. I'll never be the poetic eloquent one, so I present...
One Year in Highlights (lots of links in no particular order):
I’ve seen my A1c drop from 10.5% to 8.2% with the help of online resources, asking questions, and actually talking to my doctor.
I turned Sweet 16.I marked 11 years with Type 1.
I started Diabetes 365, and so far I am 208 days in.
I made the decision to switch to an insulin pump. I was no longer worried about the exterior marker of Diabetes, and I felt I finally had enough knowledge to handle the responsibility.
I learned to drive, and did the responsible thing by letting the MVA know I have Diabetes.
I had my first A1c under 7%, a lovely 6.8%.
I walked in my first JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes.
But enough about me…
I just need to say THANK YOU! I could never write anything to sum up how much each of you mean to me. I know I'll never feel alone with this disease again. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
Today is Raise Your Voice for Type 1 Diabetes Awareness Day
First some facts:
Type 1 Diabetes is an autoimmune disease. There is absolutely no way to prevent it. There are no bad habits or lifestyle choices to blame. No one knows exactly why each case is caused. There can be families full of Type 1 Diabetics or families like mine where I stand alone. No special diets, miracle pills, or insane exercise routines will regenerate the insulin producing cells that were killed by our immune systems. Insulin is a hormone that would naturally, in a person without Type 1 Diabetes, allow the body to accept the glucose in food to provide energy; it also constantly stabilizes blood sugar. Because we (people with Type 1) don’t have those insulin producing cells anymore, we must inject or pump insulin. To do this we use a complicated system of numbers matching every gram of carbohydrate we eat and our current blood glucose numbers to units of insulin. But you have to always keep in mind your activity level, daily stress, and the different affect each type of food has on your body. It’s a challenge, and one false move can mean disaster. If the balance isn’t just right, it can mean hypoglycemia (blood glucose goes too low) and a possible 911 call or hyperglycemia (blood glucose goes too high) and the possibility of future complications, like amputation or kidney disease.
Although the onset of Type 1 Diabetes is usually (some Type 1’s are diagnosed much later in life) during childhood, it is not only a childhood disease. We don’t trade in our meters, pumps, insulin, and syringes for voter registration cards on our 18th birthdays. The majority of us have taken this disease through many phases of our lives. Our first day of school, our high school graduations, our first jobs, our weddings, and sadly it will eventually accompany us to our funerals if a cure is not found.
I think I speak for the majority of Type 1’s when I say that we feel like second class People with Diabetes. The term Diabetes gets tossed around very freely and 99% of the time the term Type 2 Diabetes should be used. Think about what you’ve heard on TV lately.
Statements like:
“Obesity causes Diabetes.”
“With the help of such and such diet pill/plan I’ve cured my Diabetes.”
“Lower your risk for Diabetes”.
The fact is the media chooses to use these incorrect phrases for the simple fact that Type 2 Diabetes is the more common disease, but that doesn’t make it right. These statements make it harder for each and every person with Type 1 Diabetes to rise above the stigma of the “Diabetes” label. We did not cause this disease, and really many people with Type 2 Diabetes haven’t done anything to “cause” their disease either. We can’t just lose weight to make it go away. Popping a special pill won’t give us control. Type 1 Diabetes is life long.
If you don’t have Type 1 Diabetes or know someone with it, think about it like this:
I have had this disease for almost 12 years, since the age of 5. Name one thing that you have been dealing with for 11 plus years or since the age of 5 that requires constant attention that you never choose to commit to… I can’t think of many other things except for other health related issues. I can’t quit this disease like I quit the T-ball team when I was 6. I can’t cut it off like I did with my hair last year when it was driving me insane. I can’t divorce Type 1 Diabetes.
I don’t want sympathy.
I don’t want pity.
I want understanding.
I want people to become more educated and aware that there is more than just “Diabetes”.
How can you become more aware or spread awareness?
Read a complete overview of what Type 1 Diabetes including a list of symptoms.
Donate to my personal JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes fund raising goal.
Peak into the lives of people documenting living one year with Diabetes (of all types) through photographs.
Go thank Kerri for organizing this for us!
Happy St. Patrick's Day!