I don't have a title for this one.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m missing some part of my brain. When it comes to understanding the emotions that others seem to have when it comes to their diabetes, I have trouble “getting it”.

As of today, I’m not sad and I can’t say that I can remember ever being that way. I know I used to be scared, but not of the complications or the future. I was afraid of the shots (when I was very little), blood work, and the way the world would view me as a diabetic. My parents never worried about my future or my lows while I wasn’t in their care (I’ve asked them.) The worst part for my parents was being the ones who had to give me the shots, and the exhausting process I would put them through as I fought them off. My doctors didn’t put a lot of weight into A1c numbers in the beginning. It may be old school thinking, but they realized that anything near “perfect control” wasn’t really possible in a growing child. It was 2 shots a day and couple of glucose tests. There wasn't talk of correction factors, basal, bolus etc. It was simple and no where near perfect. It barely worked. I can’t even remember if I thought “diabetes” was a forever kind of thing. But I’m thankful for those things, because if I had known diabetes was that “bad” I probably would have turned out a lot differently. I now know that without a cure, diabetes means forever. But I’m pretty sure I’d be okay with that. For me it still doesn’t seem that “bad”. I’m confident in my abilities to tweak numbers, know my body’s reactions, sense lows, and care for myself. For right now I’m healthy and relatively happy. Things could be much worse. I could be dying, but I'm not. I'm living. Plus there are people who don’t have the amazing technology of an insulin pump, the insulin for it, or meters that read in 5 seconds. I’m more worried about high school, college, a future career, and if Justin Timberlake will ever know I love him, than I am about my diabetic future. Being a “diabetic” is probably one of the last things on the list that describes me. It’s also one of the last things that has any influence on who I am as a person. Diabetes care is just something I do because I have to. It’s like breathing. I don’t really need to think about it. I just do it. This might change one day, but for now this is how I feel.

These are the cards I’ve been dealt, and I have no other choice but to live well with them.

The Final Round of Questions.

What would you put on a list of 50 things you'd like to do before you die? - Jeff

I’m not sure I have exactly a top 50. I’m not the most adventurous person so you won’t see climbing Mt. Everest or anything like that. But I can give you a glimpse, in no particular order of a few “goals” I have:

• I love Hawaii, the culture, the beaches, the people, everything! I went there when I was maybe 3 but the memories are vivid and I want to go back.
• I’m a wooden roller coaster fanatic. I’ve ridden a few that have graced top coaster lists, but I would love to make a trip to Cedar Point, Knott’s Berry Farm, and a few other parks to enjoy the “best” ones.
• I want to drive a car on the Autobahn. Preferably a manual Mellow Yellow Mini Cooper.
• Visit every US state.
• Visit the 5 continents I haven’t been to (I’m pretty sure you can’t hop on a plane to Antarctica and I live in North America, duh.) This may be a problem because I am not a huge fan of planes.
• Get married, if someone will have crazy little me.
• I would like to be a mother, in whatever way that comes to me.
• I’ve been thinking a little more about my future career. So owning my own business would be a goal, selling crafty bits of course. It’s the only thing I’ve ever really been happy doing.
• Becoming the proud owner of an D-SLR camera and learning more about photography as a whole.
• I want to write a book, just because. It doesn’t have to be published or anything. I’ve just realized that I like writing and telling stories, so I think it would be fun.
• This maybe stupid, but I would love to go to a taping of the Oprah Winfrey show. I trash talk her a lot around my house, but seriously there is something so incredible about her I have to see it in person.
• Purchase my own home. (This isn’t one of those typical 1001 things before I die items, but I think it’s very important.)
• I’d like to own a Newfoundland (as in the dog, I know it’s random.)
• There are probably a few other things, but I can't really think of anything else right now.
  

Why do you want to visit Boston? Is it to check out historical stuff about the US, or do you have friends/family there? Have you already been? – Naomi

I'll admit my initial reasons for wanting to go to Boston were very superficial. First of all, I love the accent. It’s also safe to say a few famous and gorgeous guys hail from the great city. Plus I hear the shopping is amazing! Add to that the strong history and sight seeing opportunities, it sounds like my idea of a perfect city to visit.

I’ve answered them all. So now it's back to our regularly scheduled programming. If you have more questions feel free to ask. I also encourage you to open your own blogs to questions. It’s fun to switch up the topics! Happy Monday!

Thinking Out Loud

Well no one said I couldn’t analyze some of the words you gave me. Some I've heard people use to describe me before, others are new to me. Don't feel obligated to comment in response to the word you left, I’m basically just sharing what I thought when I read them. By the way thanks for all of the comments, I really didn’t expect so many! You guys are wonderful!

Feisty! Really, I get this one all the time from friends and family. I’m just completely surprised that you were able to get this from my writing alone. Also it's something that takes a while to show in person. I'm usually reserved and observant, and then I warm up to the outrageous opinionated me.

Driven. I know I can be, but lately I’ve definitely been lacking this characteristic. Perhaps it will come back to me soon. I sure hope it does, apathy does not suit me or make my parents happy.

Inspiring (2). I will never understand this, what exactly do I inspire? I’m not really sure how it’s possible. I’m average, and I just do the best I can. I’ll take it none the less.

Mature (2). I am a grandma in a teenager’s body, complete with cardigan sweaters and craft hobbies. I’m pretty sure it has to do with the many things I’ve dealt with growing up (my anxiety, my father’s chronic depression and bipolar disorder, my sister’s lupus diagnosis, being a biracial kid, diabetes, being the “baby” etc). Also I have the most amazing mother who has always told me to share my opinions and feelings openly, which sometimes gets me in trouble.

Articulate. (from my sister) She hates how much I talk! Gee thanks!

Cool. Haha no I’m not. I’m one of the hugest dorks ever, but okay if you think so.

Uplifted. This one also makes me wonder. I definitely raised my eyebrow at it. Maybe just in what sense? I know it's obviously a compliment, I just can't wrap my mind around it.

Happy weekend all!

I owe you guys this one. My first drive.

Let's set the scene.
My friends and I always have trouble making plans so that everyone can attend. For almost a month the girls and I had been talking about a girl's day. So we picked Monday (MLK day) when we knew everyone would be off and free. Most of my friends just happen to live in a town about 25/30 minutes away, because the school I used to attend allows students from more than just the town it's in for the Science & Technology program. So we usually end up hanging out somewhere closer to their houses, of coursed we picked the local outdoor shopping center on one of the coldest days but that is beside the point. Now that I have my license these sort of trips will become a little bit easier, because my mom would usually sit in the book store while I walked around with my friends or go waste money somewhere and I always felt bad about it. It was just easier for her to stay than drive the almost 1 hour round trip.
I was permitted to leave the house a little early to go sussy shopping and eventually meet my friends. The ride there was fine. I tested in the 120ish range at the house, got behind the wheel of the van, popped in my Dixie Chicks CD and sang the whole way there. When I arrived at the book store I checked my blood sugar again and it was 91, I drank some juice because I knew I wouldn't be there long but 91 was only going to drop. I left the bookstore, checked my sugar again, and headed for the near by mall to have lunch with my friends. We spent the day going in and out of the stores trying to keep warm, buying a few things (a pair of purple sequin ballet flats for me), and eventually ended up at the movie theater to see Juno. I checked my blood sugar before the movie and came in at 190, I gave less than half a correction bolus and went in to enjoy the show (go see it, it was my second time, I still laughed and cried). I knew that my basal rate would start to kick up towards the end of the movie because it was around the time I usually prepare to eat dinner (I have weird evening highs I'll call it dinner phenomenon) . So after I cried my eyes out at the end of the movie, I made sure my friends were with their parents and went to the van. I turned the engine on to warm up, then checked my blood sugar, 67. Can't drive with that. So I pop a juice box and call my house. I talked to my sister, and told her I was doubling my usual treatment and then I would head home when my blood sugar was over 100. She tells our parents and they say okay. I was actually wasn't too surprised by this reaction, my mom is of the "she won't always have us to save her" school. I waited retested, 122, and started the trip home. When I got home I found out my dad had been freaking out, and had suggested that they drive the half hour out to get me. I just laughed and told him I was prepared and not to worry! All in all it was a great day. I wasn't even upset that diabetes had to tarnish my first driving memory.

This time only 1 word!

I've seen this on Beth, Amylia, and Nicole's blogs so I thought I'd give it a try.

The rules:

Use one word to describe me … just one single word.

Leave it in my comments.

Then post this message on your blog and see how many strange and interesting things people say about you!

463 words.

That's how many words came before the words "Type 2 Diabetes" in this article, which was featured on Yahoo's front page. So once again "diabetes" is caused by obesity my friends, and I guess as "diabetics" we should all sign up for gastric bypass! UGH.

'"We have traditionally considered diabetes to be a chronic, progressive disease," said Cummings of the University of Washington in Seattle. "But these operations really do represent a realistic hope for curing most patients."' What a joke!

Two Times the Thank Yous

First I'll thank those of you who stopped by to congratulate me on getting my license! I haven't had the chance to use my new found freedom yet. Hopefully soon I'll have stories of my adventures as a new, young, diabetic driver to share with you. I got my Sussy Circle information this morning, so that will give me an excuse to borrow the car to work on finding the perfect sussy.

Second set of thank yous, goes to those of you who continuously stop by and give me amazing compliments. Although sometimes it's hard to agree with the fact that you think I'm "amazing," "well adjusted," or a "talented writer". I always enjoy the tiny boosts that your words bring to my day.

Have a great weekend!!!