Dream a little dream - life after a cure...strange new world.

I don't see myself as a glass half full or half empty kind of person. I'm more in the "glass just has some friggin' liquid in it, move on" camp. So postulating about life without Type 1 Diabetes has never been high on my priority list. Of course, I've had those days where all I've want is to be "normal", but I really never get beyond that simple idea. I don't know what I would want from my "normal" diabetes-free life. Let me think about it.

Well, I would hope that this miracle cure would come sooner rather than later. I'm going on 14 years with this little sidekick, and somethings that feels like far too long. The bonuses of getting rid of diabetes would be enormous. Forget the health benefits for a second.

I wouldn't need a giant purse. I wouldn't have juice boxes in the back seat of my car prompting a new friend to jokingly ask if I, "Had a kid or something?" There wouldn't be test strips in every strange place imaginable (underwear drawer, anyone?) I would only have pruney fingers instead of creepy fingers after a long swim. My jeans' front pocket would be empty. I would be untethered, forever, instead of just for showers.

With all honestly, I think it would be hard to let it all go. Diabetes is woven into everything I do. I make my choices with Diabetes in mind. I see the world a certain way because of my life with Diabetes. It's a part of me, it's shaped me in a weird way. I haven't lost hope, but I've come to accept it.

The only thing that would really make me happy about living life without Diabetes would be the fact that I would have one less thing to worry about when I want to start a family some day. There are no guarantees in this life, but checking diabetes off the list of risk factors would be a dream come true.

I try not to focus on the things that scare me about living with this disease, because I'm trying to LIVE with it. I take each day as it comes, but for now I'm still planning for a future that includes Diabetes.

Maybe one day we will all be attending the first annual conference for "The Former Diabetes Online Community".

Mary Tyler Moore on Oprah!

I'm watching it now! Guess what Oprah asked her about?!! TYPE 1 DIABETES!!!! Can you tell I'm excited? Well I am. Mary did a wonderful job explaining a bit about how Type 1 has changed her life. It wasn't alot, but it was enough to get the word out. Apparently she has written a book about "growing up again" after her Type 1 diagnosis. She even plugged the JDRF! Yay Oprah has finally won my support back, I know I should credit her researchers for this but whatever.

At 5:30 CT you can click this link and read an over view of the show!

Damaged Goods.

I will preface this post with the fact that some of you may not like what I have to say, and this is a borderline rant. I will also remind you that this is my personal place for my opinion, and that I know by posting this I give you the ability to respond in whatever way you see fit. Here goes…

As a whole I think I have gained a lot from the various online Diabetes resources. I’ve gotten information about pumps, tricks to fix hyperglycemia, and support from people who have never even met me.

While those are all great things, each time I stumble upon a post in a blog or forum about how much a parent hates diabetes, I feel hurt. Not only for me, but for those parents and children. I know that it’s not an easy disease to live with or manage. I know that it pains a parent to look in the eyes of their child while they are struggling with a low. I certainly know the terror and exhaustion that each shot or infusion set change can bring to everyone involved. But what I don’t know is why every time I read a post like this, I feel like I’m not good enough. I feel like damaged goods. Like we should all be traded in for the new improved functioning islet cell model.
I usually know that I am good enough. I'm healthier and stronger than a lot of people. I'm lucky. These posts break me down, and chip away at my attitude.

I want to scream, “If this is the only thing that’s wrong with your child, it’s not that bad!” I’ll admit that I don’t know what it’s like to be a mother or father and diabetes caregiver. But I do know what it’s like to grow up with this disease and now manage it on my own. There are definitely aspects that are completely terrible, but put that in perspective with the fact that there are so many other things that could be wrong in life. Each person is truly a miracle, there is no other word for it. To make it into the world and only have diabetes be what’s wrong, is quite amazing as far as I’m concerned. I really don’t know where I’m going with this. I just hope that these opinions are not being expressed in front of the children with this disease. I can only imagine how much damage that could cause, because it hurts me to read the words about a disease I also have. I’ve formed my own opinion about living with disease, and I hope that other children out there are able to do to this without the outside influence of their parents or other onlookers.

*2/21/08 2:45 PM Revision. After an email chat with Shannon.*

I know that it's not easy. When you are a parent you only want the best for your children, I get that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that your children should be okay, there are so many examples in the blogging community of happy, healthy adults living successfully with Type 1 Diabetes.

I just hope you can find peace with this disease for your own sake.

The Saddest Wedding Story.

I'm sure no bride expects their first dance to be the last, but that was the case for the 36 year old woman who was the subject of an article I read this morning. I always check my email as soon as I can each morning, and to do that I have to go to the Yahoo homepage. Right beneath a picture of Amy Winehouse and her Grammy headline, was a smaller but more shocking one, "Bride dies during marriage's first dance." At first I thought to myself, "that is so sad", but then I clicked on the link and read the story. I couldn't believe my eyes, at only 36 a Type 1 Diabetic woman dies on the dance floor in the arms of her new husband from heart disease. I can't help but think of her poor husband and family, but I'm also scared. Scared that this could happen to anyone of the wonderful Type 1 Diabetics I now know. I wish the article had more details explaining exactly what caused it and if the the Type 1 was a big factor, but I understand the report needs to respect the family's privacy. I just really want to know why. All I want to do now is go to a cardiologist or whatever kind of doctor can tell me I'll be okay. I'm sure I'm completely overreacting. It's just that it hit home. Life is really so fragile, and can be turned upside down in just a matter of moments.

I can NOT believe this...

First, this morning I watch a relatively good interview with Dr. Tim Johnson & his wife on Good Morning America, about her Type 1 Diabetes. She was diagnosed when she was in her 30's, a poster adult for LADA. It was pretty much factually accurate, she showed her pump, tested her blood sugar on the air, they talked about a cure, hypoglycemia, etc.
I was thinking alright, go GMA!

Then I went to checked out the website after the show like they direct you to do.
I stumbled upon ABC's On Call + Diabetes.

And this is the part where I hop onto my soapbox.

So I looked around, and found this, which pissed me off. So according to this guy diabetes is caused by diet. Wow, I didn't know that doctor, so you are telling me that when I was 5 I was not following the right diet and I ended up skeleton skinny and this caused my (type 1) diabetes? Please, can you just say Type 2 before diabetes. It's an extra 2 syllables, I'm sure it won't kill you and all your other medical professional friends! I get the fact that Type 2 is the more prevalent disease, but that doesn't mean you can put us all under that same big blue "diabetes" umbrella. Also, some Type 2's are not even overweight!!! I could go on for days...
Now I will step off my soapbox.