Something is wrong...

With my meter, at least I think. Last night before I took my Levemir I tested like I always do. I felt like my reading would be in the 100's because it had been at dinner and I was feeling a little funky like a false hypo. I tested at 9:55 @ 225, it just didn't seem right. 9:56 200, still I felt like it wasn't right. 10:00 185 closer to what I thought. Now either in 5 minutes I dropped by 40 or something is wrong with my meter. I looked for my coding solution and guess what its expired, so I'm getting a new bottle today. But this still concerns me because either A) I am experiencing these quick drops in glucose level, which I am aware has happened before. Or something is wrong with my meter and who knows how long it has been giving me these presumably incorrect readings!!!!!!!! ughhhhhh.

Back.

It's been awhile. So an update, I've started correcting whenever I check and I'm over 200. I figure hey it can't hurt to try. I have noticed that doing this keeps me from swinging into the high 300's. But the mid 200's still isnt good. Diabetes confuses me but what else is new.

Friday my 9 year old cousin caught me giving myself a shot while we were eating at a picnic table at an amusement park. I usually try to inject away from the little ones just as to avoid fears and too many questions. But she handled it pretty well, just a simple "whats that for? and does it hurt?". It reminded me of a time last summer when my mom said to me Jill do you have your meds, and one of my other cousins asked what I needed medicine for. How do you explain diabetes to a 5 year old!? Something along the lines of, "I take this special medicine because when I eat sugar, my body doesn't like it and I get a bad tummy ache", was the best I could come up with on the spot. Spending time with my cousins makes me so happy for them but some times it makes me hate diabetes. When I was there age I didnt just not eat the way they do, I didn't just say its time for a treat! Snack times were an annoying not a joyful thing to look forward to. And now we go to an amusement park and I skip the ice cream because I don't feel like taking a shot to cover it, while they have it dripping down their faces. I guess I'm jealous, I wish I had that when I was little. But in the same breath I'm glad that they probably will never have to deal with this and that makes me happy.
I spent all of Saturday eating crappy fatty food and popping swedish fish in my mouth while sitting by the pool with my cousins, and all day I ran in the mid 100's CRAZY!!!!! Tomorrow I'll get some blood drawn for the endo appointment I have on friday, hopefully my HbA1c will be down a tiny bit, my 90 day average on my meter is lower so maybe thats a good sign.
Good numbers yesterday and so far today too! Maybe I'm turning a corner, I sure hope so.
Off to enjoy this beautiful Memorial Day!

Completely Random!

So I thought I'd post today about something un-D, but then some how that nasty little bugger snuck its way into my post idea. So last night on American Idol (yes i am one of the millions who watch) Blake and Jordin made it into the final. And guess who is super excited???? Me, because in the beginning I said to whoever would listen, its going to be a Blake and Jordin finale. Oh Melinda this Melinda that, Blake and Jordin are way more appealing. Now I just have no idea who will win... because Blake and Jordin have pretty much the same demographic girls between the ages of 8 and 15 and their moms. It's gonna be a close one. Anyway onto the D-side of American Idol, it was nice to see the return of Elliot Yamin he sounded pretty good, and it is nice to see someone who was so open about their diabetes succeed. I have to tell you though, the whole time I was looking around his body to see if there were any traces of his pump.

Okay now un-Dness. I think I need to reintroduce myself and talk about the other sides of my life not just the D-Life. Where to begin.....
Stuff you already know.
My name is Jillian, I'm 15 years old (16 in September), I live in Maryland (I have all my life), and of course I have been a Type 1 Diabetic since I was 5 years old(Opps I know I said un-D).
The stuff you don't know.
I am a sophomore in high school, but unfortunately due to my aniexty disorder this year I have struggled with my attendence and with the schools provided Home & Hospital support. So I am currently in the process of becoming home schooled independently (this means I will be teaching myself with the guidance of a whatever homeschooling company etc that we choose.)
I have an older sister (she is 22) who is attending law school in Philadelphia. She also has a chronic illness, Systemic Lupus. She is one of my closest friends and I love her more than anyone except for my mom. It took her leaving for college for us to realize how much we loved each other.
I love crafts and have been described by many friends as being an old lady at heart. From my cardigan sweaters to my attempts at knitting, I would have to agree.
I have 2 dogs, Massimo, a Bichon Frise (named after an Italian bus driver my sister met on a school trip) he will be 7 in June & Finn, a Bichon Frise Poodle mix who is only a year old.
I have 2 parents (they are still married unfortunately), I have a pretty good relationship with my mom and a horrible one with my father. (If you haven't figured this out from my picture I am bi-racial, my mom is caucasian and my father is african american)
Lets see Favorites... Book: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (for now) Movie: Father of the Bride TV Show: Grey's Anatomy Ice Cream Flavor: Mint Chocolate Chip Color: Purple

Okay I can't think of anything else. Toodles!

So maybe I have really bad luck..

First Thanks! for the feedback. From it my conclusion is I have a crazy doctor, who possibly doesn't know what he is doing. Hmm, that's nice to know. The thing is now that I think about it correction factors were never brought up by any of the 5 endos I have ever had, except for the one I am seeing now. Which to me seems like hey at least he told me, but then again he didn't tell me exactly the right thing. I mean I have never expected miracles from any of my doctors, but seriously if I'm going to be your human science experiment please give me better guidelines that will keep me alive. So I talked to my mom about the advice I received via email and comment, and she was confused to say the least. Let's just say ever since I took over giving myself shots in 4th grade my mom has kind of just been the one who drives me to the appointments says some stuff but usually has no idea what she is talking about. I mean thats probably my fault cus I'm not like hey mom lets check out my numbers, do you how many carbs are in this, etc. I am extremely independent with my diabetes and it hasnt bothered me except for now that my mom is like well "he is such a nice doctor the best one we have had" which I would have to agree with. I think the problem is communication because my mom takes over at the appointments rambling about things (that she really doesn't know about) and then I don't say much (which is pretty typical for me because I hate talking to doctors and other types of people who I don't know on a completely personal level). So my plan is that at my next appointment on June 1st I will lay it out on the table, tell him I think he is a crazo and ask him for more solid advice, and not just changing my insulin doses and weighing me like he usually does. I want conversation, I am going to be more active in this. If I have to I'll get my mom to sit in the waiting room. If that doesn't work, then I'll have to find a new doctor because I am sick of being out of control. I mean seriously I have had 4 doctors from Children's National Medical Center who basically did nothing for me (aren't doctors supposed to be smart and actually help you !?!). And now this guy who is apart of Johns Hopkins. I mean I am not blaming him for everything, I am not the easiest patient, I haven't had the best care with my previous doctors, I don't have the greatest family situation among other things. But now I am trying to get it together and I hope that he will be on board to help me. (wow i feel like I was rambling all of that and it makes no sense.)

Oh yeah and to make matters worse I have suddenly had a horrible reaction to the tree pollen, so I am sick and in turn my numbers are more out of whack than usual. I'm talking 135 to 327 ridiculousness!

A Better Day...

Than usual that is.

My numbers were in the low 200's all day until now when I checked in at 158 (before dinner reading), which for me is amazing. My mom and I did our good blood sugar dance, which doesn't occur very often. Earlier in the day I corrected when I was at 258, which is against my endo's advice. I've been doing this more frequently in the past 2 weeks, after seeing one of my doctors assitants (we didnt even talk about correction we didnt really talk about anything except for how bad my numbers are, but she didnt give me any advice on how to fix that, I hate when I have to see someone other than my usual endo) and then discovering forums and blogs in the OC. I decided that I would be willing to try anything to get myself to an HbA1c of 9 or better (kind of a statement of defiance to my doctor and his assistant that I can reach the goal they set for me, and I'll do it my way). But I don't care because my doctor has previously said I should correct over 300 which seems stupid to me to let it get that high. Maybe I'm wrong, but I've learned that sometimes you know your diabetes better than your doctor.
I've decided that searching the internet for information about diabetes is sometimes very depressing. Complications scare me the most. I'm only 15 and thankfully I care about getting my disease in check, but it still isnt in control. I have great eye sight, no foot problems, kidney issues, etc. But I know that if things dont change with my control its all going to end. I'm lucky now, but how long will it be until my luck runs out? These are things I have started thinking about lately. Not in a morbid way, but in an OMG I have to get my $#!+ together soon. I'm working with this disease now, not letting it walk all over me anymore!

I'm going away for the weekend to visit my grandparents for mother's day with my mom, so I'm sure my numbers will be out of wack since I wont be following my usual schedule. More when I get back I guess. My life is boring. Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there!