Prepare for the pity party.
I’m in a weird place. I want so badly to be happy, but somehow I’m not. I know why I feel this way, for the most part, but I can’t figure out how to get out of this slump.
I pushed myself through this past school year. Some days were struggles, and others were completely easy. I think I’m just crashing down from it all. Things are changing except they aren’t. I feel like I’m standing on a city street while the world passes me by. I think I relied too much on school as an anchor. Without it, I feel like I am doing nothing.
Picking up where I left off…
On Saturday, June 26 I quit my first job. It wasn’t a difficult decision. Honestly the thought had been brewing in my mind since my first day. There were too many signs that it wasn’t the job for me. I worked my last shift (12 flippin’ hours) and came in the next day to quit. I had hoped it would be a more, I don’t know… intimate experience? Well no. I walked in asked the manager if I could speak to her, she walked 2 steps from the register asked what I needed and when I told her all she had to say was, “well good luck”. Then she proceeded to grab the server schedule and scratched my name out. I walked out feeling, a little deflated but better off. While I admit I probably should have given 2 weeks notice, I knew that I wouldn’t last another two weeks there. I was honest, but I didn’t bash her management style. I was gracious and thanked her for the opportunity. I don’t feel bad about it; I just wish it had gone a little differently. Thankfully karma, fate, or whatever must be on my side because the day I made the decision to quit was also the day I got some of the best news I’ve ever gotten.
Read more here. (This was supposed to be my last post here, but still I'm trying to get a little more consistent with posting on my new blog. Until I'm in the groove I'll be cross posting the occasional entry.)
So. I’m still dealing with terrible anxiety related issues. Mostly involving my GI tract acting a fool. I’m worried, because this is the same way I felt right before I left traditional high school. The only thing that’s giving me hope is that I have been able to push through it. I’m still getting up to go to my summer class 4 days a week, and I started my job this past weekend.
About my job... I’m a waitress. So far it’s just been training. Saturday, I kind of followed another girl around while she did her thing. Sunday, I worked with this guy and literally helped him make it through the day. I even overheard the manager say that I was good, just like she expected. But here’s the thing, I had so much trouble managing my Diabetes while running around the restaurant. I’m afraid that if it’s this way when I’m only training, it will be 10 times worse when I’m on my own.